Paranorman

It's a hard knock life for a loser elementary school kid, as he goes to class and continually gets beat up by zit-infested bullies.  As if getting pushed around by a bully who looks more like Sloth from the Goonies wasn't enough, Norman has the same gift Jennifer Love Hewitt has, which is the ability to see the dead!  According to the TV show Supernatural, this would be the coolest gift to have, but the problem is it brings his self-esteem down to the same level as the little girl in the parade from Princes Diaries 2, the one with the messed up grill.  When a centuries-old curse turns the town into a Zombie horror-fest, it is up to Norman to gird his loins, strengthen his nerd, and save the day!

The Good:
When the movie Coraline came out I knew that I found my one true love (other than my wife), so when I found out they were making another movie my bowls leaped for joy, and then I had to run to the bathroom because your bowls leaping in public indicates something else.  The animation is beautiful, the story is simple, the characters are sweet, and best of all it shows everyone that it's OK to like scary movies.  Now i'm not saying that the movie says it's OK to let your children experience Human Centipede 2 (which for the record it should not be seen by any man), but it's saying that children experiencing scary films helps them to discern between good and evil at an early age, and if you don't believe me take a look at Disney films, that crap is straight trippin!  Finally the think I liked the best about this film are all the shout outs to some of the classic Horror movies, such as: Night of the Living Dead, Halloween, and almost every other supernatural film out there.  When I saw some of these shout outs, my bowls began to leap again... and you know what happened next.

The Bad:
I thought this movie was fun, and even my wife dropped her Harry Potter stories to pay attention, but if i'm to find anything wrong with it, then I would have to make a comparison with Coraline.  What I liked about Coraline is it had B-E-A-Utiful music that makes me feel like a "straight" fairy, and I can listen to it all day.  With Paranorman I don't get that, instead I get the "I'm a bad-A mother Beep!" feeling, which isn't bad, it's just that I don't feel pretty at the end.  Other than that, this movie is the perfect Horror film that kids can enjoy.

The Ugly:
Besides the Bully's zitty face, this movie is very pleasant to watch, almost as pleasant as looking at a Country Home Living magazine during a restroom break.  Not only is it very good for kids, but adults are going to love the animation, the amount of scares, and all the references to other Horror films.  Now Have at this gem!!

4 1/2 out of 5

The Apparition

As one with ADHD whose mind races about 1000 miles per hour, I often contemplate about what scenarios would be the worst to die in.  Some say drowning, some say being burned alive like one of chef Ramsey’s Chef’s in “Hell’s Kitchen”, or being stuck listening to the “Titanic” theme being sung in Chinese on a cable car filled with douche bags in San Francisco.  Needless to say that I prayed for any one of these scenarios to happen, just as long as I don’t have to sit through this uninspired crap of a flick.  It follows the story of a young hot couple who settle into a very big house in the suburbs, and seem to have enough money where they can buy practically anything at Cosco, despite the fact that he repairs TV’s for “Best Buy” and she is an amateur vet who just sticks thermometers up dog’s butts.  So unless they won the lottery, or they’re selling their bodies on the street corner after 12am, then I have no idea how they’re getting all the money.  Their confusingly perfect lives become troubled as they are haunted by the not-“the Grudge”-ghost, and it slowly consumes their lives so that it may be able to live.  None of this would have happened if the TV fixing boyfriend didn't try to be a ghost hunter with Tom Felton (my wife’s future lover), because it was them meddling around that unleashed the ghost in the first place.  What will happen to them? Will they lose their Cosco membership? Will they’re suburbs life be ruined forever?  You’ll find out if you stay awake till the end.

The Good:                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Seeing them shop compulsively at Cosco with very little money made me happy, because for a short while I felt that I can lower my expectations about my life, and yet still buy a bunch of pointless crap.  Of course that dream ended when I realized how fake this movie really is, but still, I was happy to see that Cosco has many different deals with regards to their outdoors section, and their kitchen utilities section;  all of you shoppers need to have at these amazing deals!

The Bad:

I liken this movie unto Hitler’s mustache, it’s awkward, it scares the women off, and it just doesn't make sense.  There were even parts of this movie that almost made me cry, because the entire two hours I kept thinking to myself “I just spent $20 on this piece of poo, and I didn't even get any popcorn.  Why does my head hurt?  I should probably get my homework done… etc”.  the worse part about it was that just a few theater rooms down there was a sold out showing of “the Possession”, which for the record I would rather have seen, but my wife’s love for Tom Felton conquers all. 

The Ugly:

Don’t see this movie.  As a Horror fan I’m usually impressed by any kind of Horror movie, and I’m really good at finding something to like out of even the crappiest film, but this movie has proved me wrong.  After crying on the way home because of wasting $20, one of the two nightmares I had that night was of me going to see this movie one more time, the other nightmare was about me wetting the bed. 

0 out of 5

Cabin in the Woods

Why can't pointless college douche bags abstain from renting out crappy skunk-infested cabins located in the most shady areas of the Forrest   Nothing good comes from those places!  Weird swamp people come out of the ground, people get their hands chopped off and replace them with Chainsaws, and some develop a violent fever that resembles something like the dreaded pig-flu.  Unless you're angry in-bred rednecks, the forest is something us city folk should stay away from, at least that's what Horror films are trying to tell us.  Cabin in the Woods follows the typical Horror film where a group of students, with their hormones going about 1,000 miles per hour, decide to spend their weekend in a cabin.  Everything is cooky for a while until they unlock something freaky, and i'm not talking about the closet containing Lady Gaga's wardrobe.  As the monsters start coming at them the same speed as their hormones, things start getting out of control, much like Twilight fans after hearing about Kristen Stewart's rondevu with the non-Robert Patterson dude.  If only Thor was present during this weekend trip then everyone would be OK... oh wait, he was!!

The Good:
When I prayerfully pick out my cereal of the week at the nearest grocery store, I'm always looking for two things: 1.  The box that has the coolest toy, and 2.  The one that isn't going to give me explosive diarrhea while I'm running the next morning, because it makes me look like I'm Forrest Gump while he still had those leg braces on.  Then there are times I find a new cereal like Smacks that makes me love cereal in a whole different way, and that is what Cabin in the Woods did for me with Horror films.  Given it's not the greatest Horror film ever made, it does present some new ways that fans of the macabre can understand why scary movies are the way they are.  The film is also very funny, which was a pleasant surprise for me, because along with children's gummy vitamins the one thing that can set my morning off right is a solid Horror Comedy.  There isn't much stuff I can say about the story-line without giving away one of the greatest endings of all time, but this much I will say, that Cabin has an ending that wraps up the story like it's a present made exclusively by Martha Stewart when she was in jail.

The Bad:
Why in the name of Oprah did it take them so long to release this movie?!  I know there was that deal with MGM having the financial problems, but still, this movie came close to making people not care anymore, let alone not being released at all.  Thor is also the source of one of my problems, because every time he and his peeps were attacked by monsters he would act like the stereotypical college douche bag, and at this I would scream "This is why you lost your hammer Thor!  Because of being stupid!"  Now in the movie's defense it was made before Thor was, but still, Every time I look at Chris Hemsworth I imagine him like he's dressed for a Scottish fair full of acne-infested computer-gaming virgins.

The Ugly:
It is the duty of EVERY horror fan to see this film, but at the same time I don't want ya'll to get too high expectations, because that can ruin even the greatest of films.  If you expect that it will be god's gift to mankind, then you'll probably get a huge dissapointment that's compared to Lindsay Lohan's Liver.  Just know that it is a well made horror film with some fresh new twists we as fans of the Macabre haven't seen before, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

4 1/2 out of 5

163 Horror Movies in 2 1/2 Minutes

Much like the other Horror video that contains about 64 movies in 5 minutes, this one tries to top it by raising the bar to 163 movies in 2 minutes!  It means that the clips are short and very snappy, almost as if you're watching a seizure induced anime cartoon, but the video is awesome all the same.  Check this crap out!

Paranormal Activity Trilogy

I remember seeing the comercials for the very first "Paranormal Acitvity" film, and boy did that make me want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge without a bungie cord in excitment!  A film that is so scary that people all around the world are requesting it to be brought to their theaters? This is just too good to be true!.. and to my sadness, it was to good to be true.  Even though I'm reviewing the third and final (but not really) sequel in the series, I'll be talking about them all collectively, and at the same time trying to remove the temptation of putting a gun to my head.  The entire story started with this healthy looking couple wanting to document all the creepy noises going on by recording throughout the night, and through the recordings they capture many supernatural phenomenons.  This makes them oddly happy for a short time, until the demon/ghost gets anal and starts slapping them around while messing with their furniture.  Personally I don't think the demon is as evil as everyone thinks he is.  I think he is most likely a 8-year old loser child who tries to hard to get everyone to focus on him, and when they don't give him the attention he needs, he proceeds to pull them from the bed and drag them down the stairs... You know kids right?  The third film goes even deeper into the past of sisters Ali and Katie, as you get to see them experience supernatural terrors with their parents, and their grandma who looks as though she just escaped a violent Amish community.

The Good:
After hearing that the "Paranormal Activity" series scared the crap out of everyone, I decided to pull up my huggies and give them a try.  Even though the film doesn't scare you out of your pants right off the bat, it does place in your mind some crazy images that will affect you at night.  So word to the wise, when this 8-year old child of a demon wants to show you something, or play a game of twister, you better do what he wants or he'll go all "Children of the Corn" on your hiney and start pulling you out of bed!

The Bad:
You know that feeling you get when someone talks something up like it's the second coming, and then you find out it's the biggest disapointment since the invention of adult diapers; Do they really hold everything?  This series was a similar kind of disappointment.  I brought myself in to the living room ready to watch this movie and prepared to be scared, and with an extra pair of pants for when I soil myself, but alas the soiling did not happen, and instead I fell asleep, dreaming of being a contestant on Iron Chef.  I'm not going to lie there are some parts of the series (especially in the third one) that have some legitimate scary moments as I said earlier, but the problem is they usually happen in the LAST 3 MINUTES!!!  That is the beef I  have with most of these "Found Footage" movies, because you're guarenteed complete boredom for at least an hour and a half before things start getting interesting; You better bring some knitting or toe-nail clippers into the movie with you so you don't fall asleep.  I'm also tired of people now thinking that if you make a Horror film with a budget of only a few dollars, then it's bound to be a success, because that is about as true as Michael Jackson's nose.  This series has proved to me that sometimes the lower budget a movie has, the less interesting it gets.

The Ugly:
I recommend people to see this movie, but only so these people can finally say "I saw it!"  Maybe my problem is I assumed this series would be like god's gift to mankind, because that's how good people were making it seem, so when I actually saw it I became sad as if my dog had been run over.  Like the Hooters Billboard once said, "Set your standards low, so you'll be pleasantly suprised."  Maybe we should all take this advice from the wise girls of Hooters and use it, at the same time ignoring the fact they work at Hooters because of unresolved daddy issues at home.

2 out of 5

P.S. Here is the poster for the upcoming sequel!

The Dark Knight Rises

I can now die happy!!  there are s select few things in my life that if I was to die right after witnessing them, then I would walk into heaven (or hell, I have no idea yet) with my head held high.  A few of these things are included in this list: having Enya sing me a lullaby to sleep, eating high-quality Meat Loaf with Meat Loaf, going to a Metallica concert and punching someone in the face, and to be one of the lucky judges on the "Iron Chef" TV show.  unfortunately none of those things have happened yet, but I was able to witness one of the next best things... SEE BATMAN!!  The final part of the Dark Knight Trilogy takes place about 8 years later, with Bruce Wayne living as a wealthy hermit in mourning of his dead girlfriend, and Gotham is (once again) receiving the crapper from some nut-job with a mask and a British Accent.  Will Batman suck it up, grow a pair, and defend the city?  Or will he mope in his large house, with lots of money being used to buy pointless but cool things?  I don't know, but either way his choices don't sound too bad.

The Good:
I'm not going to lie, Nolan had me worried with this one.  This Director has made a huge name for himself by delivering mind-bending action packed movies that take the genre in directions it has never been before.  Everyone thought "Batman Begins" was just an all around cool movie, and then when he made "Dark Knight" everyone knew the bar had been raised for Comic-book movies; people wondered if it could get any better.  not too long after "Dark Knight" he made "Inception", which was without a doubt one of the funnest and most captivating "theater" experiences of all time, and it was after that movie that I thought there was NO WAY he could out do himself again.   Well, obviously I was wrong, Nolan didn't just give us a descent ending to the trilogy, but he gave us a powerhouse conclusion that shines as one of the greatest films ever made!  Brilliant acting from everyone involved, and the story-line flowed so nicely you forget that your butt has been in the same place for 3 hours.  The part I was most impressed with was the Villain Baine.  Heath Ledger as the Joker is what made the last Batman movie so memorable, and I have to agree he was one of the greatest villains I've ever seen on screen, but that isn't to say that Tom Hardy's Baine doesn't measure up.  As the villain of this film, Baine raises the stakes to a higher level as he threatens to tear Gotham apart, and not toy with it like the Joker did.  The part of Baine's character that made him so creepy to me is the fact that while he's doing all these gritty things to Gotham, when he speaks he sounds like a pleasant British dude.  So the Whole time I'm watching Baine, I kept on thinking that's what Patrick Stewart would be like if he was pissed off.

The Bad:
Baine reminded me a little of Darth Vadar, so I kinda wanted to quote some "star wars" stuff during a better part of the flick.  Also that guy who did all that crap during the midnight showing needs to be put in a prison full of guys that haven't seen a girl in years.

The Ugly:
Not that I had any beef with "The Avenger", but "Dark Knight Rises" succeeds in being my favorite summer movie this year.  At the same time I don't think I can compare the two, because they are very different kinds of comic book movies.  "Avengers" was a more campy/fun experience, while "Dark Knight" was a more "this is freaken serious so wipe that smirk off your face" kind of movie.  I thought they were both amazing films, but since I'm obviously a fan of the Scary/horrific stuff in life, Batman steals the cake.  Go see this movie, and then you'll feel like you can die happy.

6 out of 5

Silent House

There is another Olsen sister?!!  Where in the name of crohns is this girl's twin?  in days of late the Olsen twins have been hitting rock bottom with their almost extinct movie career, yet I don't feel bad because they're still filthy rich. They continue to get money from such classics as "Billboard Dad", and their now very successful clothing line, so don't pity them too much.  But with every death of twins comes the rebirth of talented younger sisters... I don't know if that's a saying or not.  Not only does this girl have at least SOME meat on her bones, but she also has this natural beauty that isn't being bombed by first-class make-up companies.  "Silent House" is another one of those Horror films that's inspired by true events, which means in real life the main character was probably a 400 pound male with knee issues who lives in a haunted apartment.  The story follows a college-aged girl named Sarah, who is helping her uncle and dad fix up their old lake house so it can be sold for a buttload of money.  Since the power has been shut off it makes fixing up the house a chlling experience, and before you know it Sarah is in terror.  She hears dads fall down, see's creepy pioneer girls, evades pedophile uncles, and tries to find out who the intruder is.

The Good:
Being a Horror fan, it's very common to go see Horror films that are ALWAYS THE SAME!  when you look closely you realize that most exorcism movies involve innocent (but attractive) women, haunted houses always have some creepy girl who looks as if she's been rolling in the pig-pen, and slashers always include some misunderstood man with a deformed face who takes his rage out on jersey shore douchebags (and I support them in that endeavor).  "Silent House" is a very different take on "haunted house" Horror, because the entire film, lasting 88 minutes, is done in entirerly ONE TAKE.  This means that you're with Sarah in her terror-filled world every step of the way, almost like you're in her shoes... except I didn't like the shoes she was wearing, and I prefer shoes that make me sassy and bring out the color in my eyebrows.

The Bad:
shooting the entire movie in one take was brilliant, like giving Malfoy a goatee at the end of the final Harry Potter film, but just because the movie presented a good idea, doesn't mean the entire thing was like a bowl of peaches smothered in vanilla ice-cream.  Shooting a flick in Real time means that you get to be along the main character for the whole 88 minutes, which means that you'll be terrified to the point of crapping your pants when she gets scared, but that also means that when she's bored you get slightly bored as well... and to that I say, "bathroom break!!"

The Ugly:
I not sure what to say when it comes to this movie being worthy enough to buy, because I thought it was awesome to boot, but some people might not think the same!  the only real downfall is the couple small boring parts, and the fact that the movie doesn't have the most replay value.  Now me personally I buy all Horror films regardless of how good they were, so the chances are very high that i'll be purchasing this since it was entertaining, but again i'm not like other "more strict" Horror fans out there.  That's the beautiful part about having ADHD is that you get entertainment out of pretty much everything!!  Seriously!  I would get the same enjoyment "people watching" at Wal-Mart that I would get when visiting Niagara Falls.

3 out of 5

Paranorman posters!!

Any Tim Burton-esque looking claymation movie makes me squeel like a pig before entering the slaughter room.  Although Tim Burton isn't behind the camera on this, I'm still going to see it because it speaks to my nerdy-ness inside.

Nightmares In Red White and Blue

No other movie genre in the world is more persecuted or misunderstood than the Horror genre.  Horror films are often blamed for violence in the youth of America, and are often held responsible for everything else that goes wrong (cop-out for either bad friends or bad parenting).  By interviewing some of the biggest names in the genre and scanning their movies, this documentary shows how the Horror film has evolved in America, and how those Horror films are closely tied to all kinds of Terror that befall the country.

The Good:
Some people like the smell of Folders in their cup (Product placement anyone?), some like "the smell of napalm in the morning", and then people (like me) love the smell of zombies enjoying a meal, while ghosts and killers continually terrorify the normal middle-class man trying to live the American dream.  okay, so I don't really smell that in the morning, I mean how would I finish my eggo waffles with the smell of rotting corpses?  It's not that I'm a naturally dark person, unless I'm standing in the dark, in that case you can barely see me, ga-der!  I'm a naturally happy person who has the hyperactivity of a squirrel with rabies, but I'm also a person who loves the unsettling/fearful feeling one gets from Horror films.  But this morbid genre isn't just to scare people, this documentary shows that each Horror film has a message it's trying to get across.  An Example would be the movie "Drag Me To Hell", because beneath the awesome B-Story it gives, it preaches there are bad consequences for bad choices you make.  So because she was selfish and shamed the gypsy, she got a whole butt-load of crohns coming her way.

The Bad:
I thought it was awesome to see how each horror film applied to something people were afraid of historically in their time, and it was very insightful to see how the genre has an ultimately positive effect on people psychologically.  There was a lot of talk on the psychological part of Horror, and personally I thought that was more interesting than the Historical aspect, but that's just me, so they should have included more.

The Ugly:
If you are a person who's skeptical about this morbid genre, or if you're already a fan, then I urge you to see this film.  I've always loved Horror films because they help me to face some of my own fears head-on, so little by little I live a more fearless life like Taylor Swift, but this documentary taught me more about the historical-importance these films hold.  This doesn't mean I'll watch any Horror film coming my way, because there are some films that cross lines that shouldn't be crossed, but the documentary did show me that beneath all the terror is a message that is worth being heard.

4 out of 5

Brave

Awe Scotland... what a dream place this is.  A country where renaissance lovers and transvestites can live together in perfect harmony.  All you need is a bunch of plaid sheets, woven together by a bunch of old people with love, and food made out of sheep's stomach.  This Scottish tale follows the story of princess Merida, who by law, must find a suitable lad from one of the neighboring clans to make her hubby.  Obviously Merida says "screw this" and fights to follow her own path by any means necessary, which has both negative and positive consequences... like eating a piece of pizza that fell on the floor of a soup kitchen.  While Merida's own drama is going on, her whole family is being randomly hunted by a bear the size of a Mormon-owned mini-van, and much like what Scottish men wear under their kilts, it's a huge mystery.

The Good:
In the middle of High School I had the pleasure of going to Scotland, and when I arrived it was to my great happiness that almost EVERYONE was a red-head, and not a soul in sight!  Finally! A country where my skin isn't too white, where I can wear a manly skirt without persecution, and my hair doesn't stick out like a big toe that was once smashed by my older brother in attempt to kill a rat... I digress.  Scotland was a wonderful place for me, and this movie was a reminder of the good times I had.  Even though it's a animated flick, you have to hand it to the people at PIXAR for how beautiful they made it look.  Not only was the hair awesome and red, but the landscapes were breathtaking, and the music topped it off like a bowl of ice-cream after a good meal.  Much like the "Secret World of Arrietty", the story-line here is very simple, and is probably the reason why they didn't explain much in the trailer, because then they would have screwed the movie for everyone else.  the simplicity of the story worked very well, and because it was basic you didn't feel like you HAD to pay attention to what was going on all the time, so people like me can have ADHD moments looking at the landscapes and listening to bagpipe music... like a boss!

The Bad:

I couldn't find anything bad with this movie, except for Princess Merida's AWESOME bad hair day!  My personal opinion is that her hair was awesome to boot, but honestly, hasn't she every heard of Herbal Essences?  Her hair is so out of control that you would think she just broke out of a straight jacket and escaped a loony-bin.  I wonder what haircut she requests from the ladies at great-clips?  "Give me the 'broken down drunk' look, and I want you to emphasize the Broken down part".

The Ugly:
This is a great family film that kids will love because of the "What's under the kilt" humor, and older Scotland-obsessed people like me feel like we're traveling to the country again, minus the agonizing plane ride, and the annoying 3-yr old who keeps kicking me in the back of the head like he's trying to get information... but I'm not bitter.  This is a very beautiful movie that hits home on everything PIXAR stands for.

5 out of 5

Snow White and The Huntsman

Why is Snow White the most famous princess/fairy tale all the sudden?!  Out of the blue this babe of a princess has been sucking in the box office spotlight with the comedy "Mirror Mirror", then with this Thor infested work of art.  One thing for sure about the Snow White craze is apple sales have surely spiked about 80%, Chris Hemsworth's testosterone filled action profile has increased, and Kristin stewert is finally given a role where she doesn't bite her lip 24/7.  The story begins as the classical Snow White story with the jealous/psychopathic stepmom wanting to kill Snow White because she sucks up all the glory, but before it could happen she escapes and runs like a gazell to the Dark Forrest where it's obvious Tim Burton wiped his butt everywhere.  the Queen then sends the God of Thunder to do her dirty work and bring Snow White back, and this is where I stop because I don't want to give away the predictable story of betrayal, love, and apples that are eaten way past their expiration date.

The Good:
Driving down the Highway once I saw a Hooters billboard that said "Set your standards low, then you'll be pleasantly supprised about everything coming your way". This is one of those flicks that I went into not caring if it sucks or not, because even if it's utter crap i'm still going to enjoy it because it looks cool, and the visual effects make me want to stuff my face with popcorn.  To my supprise I not only tolerated the movie, but I very much enjoyed it... thanks for the advice Hooters!  Kristen Stewart still has a long way to go with her acting, but all in all her acting wasn't bad, and a part of me even forgot that she was Bella from Twilight in the first place.  One thing I knew was going to be awesome was Chris Hemsworth, and I was right, he delivered the action goods, the manly british accent, and the massive muscles.  He is definitly one of those people I wouldn't mind reenacting the volly-ball scene from Top Gun with.  Other than Chris the movie just looked cool, and if you're a Horror fan like me, then you'll love the horrific images that you'll be bombarded with in the black Forrest.

The Bad:
Ya know when you see certain child actors think they're holding the world by the belly-button, and that they're God's gift to mankind?  These people include Hillary Duff, Lindsey Lohan, and other Disney stars who not only think they can act, but that they can also sing, design clothing, run a successful animal slaughtering cult, etc...   Kristen Stewart should try to avoid becoming one of these people by sticking to roles we know she can handle without looking embarrassing, at least for a little while.  I bring this up because it was only a short while since the Twilight movies were finished (except the last one), and when it comes to her being in super serious movies where she has to give a "Braveheart" type speech, I don't think I can take it seriously.  There was one part of the film when she rally's up an army, and when I saw that my wife and I said, "Great, the angsty teen from Forks is trying to prep a bunch of body-builders for war."  Like I mentioned earlier her acting surprisingly wasn't bad, but she should avoid those academy award winning speeches for a bit.

The Ugly:
I knew this wasn't going to be the greatest movie of all time way before I saw it, and to be frank it's sometimes as silly as the whale from "Free Willie" jumping over that kid; we all know his lardy butt would have squashed that child in an instant.  Sometimes those silly (wannabe) epic movies are the funner ones to watch, much like "Ghost Rider" and this one, so all in all I thought this movie was a very pleasant theater experience, where I could eat my popcorn like Cookie Monster eats his cookies.

3 out of 5

We Need To Talk About Kevin

Born from the butt-crack of Hell, Kevin is the sadistic child who was EMO before it became a trendy behavior.  When Kevin was born, he was one of those babies who cried all the time, and i'm not talking about the typical baby who cries nonstop in a cute way, Kevin literally cried ALL THE TIME.  Since birth Kevin has been consistently making life horrible for his mother, who despite her sons actions, tries her hardest to love him.  Kevin would even go so far as to refuse using the toilet until he was seven years old so his mother can continually change him, and once the diaper was changed he would soil himself immediately just to spite her.  As Kevin grew older his evil actions got even worse, and the climax at the end is almost too shocking for words.

The Good:
Before I even saw this film I kept on reading the rave reviews it had received, especially about the acting of Tilda Swinton, who plays the depressed mom.  There were so many rave reviews about her that I was about to go insane and start chewing on the walls, but after I beheld her acting I became a believer, just like the Monkee's song.  Her acting is SOO good in this movie that you can't help being depressed with her throughout the film, and you're cheering her on when she disciplines her son.  As far as Horror goes, It's not a supernatural Horror film about a demonic child like "Omen", but it's supposed to be based in real life, which makes this film creepier.

The Bad:

Remember when I said that you suffer with Tilda Swinton throughout the movie while she's raising her son?  Well i'm not exaggerating that.  There is an example of one scene where the baby literally cries for about 6-7 minutes on screen, and while he's crying you see the mothers face go through different phases of agony.  I understand why that scene was put in there, but I spent more time being annoyed as opposed to being empathetic.  Another thing you have to realize about this film is that it's a mystery that keeps you guessing what horrible act Kevin committed in the end, and because it's a mystery you know there will be plenty of flashbacks and flash-forwards throughout the family's life; if it wasn't for the changing lengths in Tilda Swinton's hair then I wouldn't know what the crap was going on.  There were so many flashbacks I thought I was going to have one of those Anime induced seizures.

The Ugly:
This film deserved all the rave reviews it received, because it's a first class thriller with a creepy story and outstanding acting from everyone.  There were parts that I thought were annoying, even though they were put there so you can feel what it's like to be in the mother's shoes, like the crying baby scene, but all in all it was a good film.  To be honest I don't know why she didn't just put the baby in front of a TV with Wiggles on, because I hear that is about as effective when it comes to sedating babies as being injected with a tranquilizer that can bring down a bull-Elephant.

3 out of 5

The Secret World of Arrietty

"Is it a bird?  Is it a Plane?" Neither of those you idiot! It's little people living like rats in the walls of our creepy house.  Living as little people in the walls of a house is like a Ginger living on the streets of Harlem, it's downright dangerous and people get shanked like crazy!  It's a hard knock life for a borrower, which is a little person who takes things from normal people that they won't need or miss.  Arrietty is one of these borrowers who's a rookie when it comes to borrowing, and because of her clumsiness she's identified by a sickly boy named Shawn.  Together these unlikely friends share an adventure that's larger than life, which if I was Shawn I'd play with Arrietty like she was my hamster, by putting her on a towel and flinging her into the air! it's a good thing I don't have pets.

The Good:
Anyone who knows me will know of my hate for the Anime genre.  Whenever I think of the word "Anime", I think of several annoying 12-year old girls photo-bombing pictures with their peace signs, and spending the rest of their day catching Pokemon with those balls.  Despite my unhappiness for the Genre, it is downright impossible for me to share that feeling with Studio Ghibli movies.  Even though this film wasn't directed by the master Hayao Miyazaki himself, it's still a very beautiful movie that was handled carefully with regards to the story, and the brightly colored artwork.  The feeling I get when watching a Ghibli movie is like the feeling I get when walking into a Chinese Buffet, because I take the food and inhale it like I'm Kirby, which not only makes my taste-buds happy, but my stomach is giddy to the utmost (unless my butt gets angry but that's a different story).  Just like PIXAR, Ghibli has an impressive track record with making one great film after another, and one of the reasons they're so good is due to the strong Character development.  The character development in Arrietty is so powerful, that by the end you think to yourself "Crap! When am I going to see these people again?!  Come back!!!! I'll make some Top-Ramen!!"  In "The Secret World of Arrietty", and every other studio Ghibli movie, what makes them stand out (for me at least) is the fact that they're not afraid to embrace the quiet moments.  In each film there is always a moment where a character encounters a time of reflection that just sucks you in like a vacuum, and connects you even more to the character and the story.  And avid Ghibli fans like those at PIXAR embrace those moments in their movies, an example would be the beginning of "UP", which is one of the most heartfelt moments in movie history.    

The Bad:
I don't know if I can say anything bad about this film, and if I was to say anything it would be that little people creep me out, except midgets, they're just awesome.  The only way to bring up bad things about "Arrietty" would be to compare it to other Ghibli films, because as an animated film in general it's better than most out there.  Much like the story-line in a Sofia Coppola film, Arrietty's story-line is EXTREMELY simple, because the events that take place are very A-B.  What makes the movie exciting is the fact that their seen through the eyes of little people, so the danger level is brought up a notch.  I can only imagine what it was like to be an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka's candy garden, sure it was exciting for everyone else, but for them I'm sure it was like the sugar rush from Hell!

The Ugly:
This is one of those Ideal family films that kids will enjoy because of the lovable characters and the story-line, and adults will like because of the artistic ability that went into it.  The character development is strong, the music is wonderful, and because of that it's an all-around Joyful film to watch.  Like I said before, this is one of those Chinese Buffets that's abundant in yummy/greasy... minus the food Poisoning!

5 out of 5

This Means War

Just when you thought the girl who eats Reese's Pieces with her spoon was gone, there came this sudden light from the butt-crack of the new chick-flick era dominated by Katherine Heigel, and what a light it is.  in order to make her hot boyfriend incredibly jealous she creates a profile on the risque version of E-Harmony, and contacts a dude that turns out to be an assassin.  All is well until the assassin's "partner-in-killing", named Captain Kirk, decides he wants a piece of the Reese.  So the two men duke it out by using their spy techniques to undermine each other, and get the girl they think they love.

The Good:
Much like the classic taste of Reese's Pieces candy, this movie reminded me of why I like Reese Witherspoon so much.  Her charming smile, her blonde hair, her perfect teeth, and her semi-annoying expressions make me feel as welcome and comfortable like when i'm wrapped in a warm hospital blanket.  Reese Witherspoon usually dominates any movie she's in, but when put next to the two twitterpated assassins you hardly notice her, because everything the guys do is either action packed to the ying-yang, or down right hilarious.  This is definitely one of those underrated movies that didn't get the recognition it deserved at the box office, but hopefully now that it's coming out on DVD people can give it a chance, because it's as sure to please as a Grilled Stuffed Burrito is sure to mess with your bowls.

The Bad:
I am one of those brothers out there who isn't afraid to admit that I like chick-flicks, even though I close the blinds when turning on "Valentines Day" or something like it.  I, however, am not the rest of the male population, and funnily enough  not a lot of guys think to themselves "Hey!  Lets bring our masculinity down a level, and watch a Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movie as a bunch of sensitive bro's!"  The best way to get most guys to love a chick-flick is to throw in a lot of explosions, guns, girls, and a good Highway Chase scene.  While "This Means War" is fairly decent about delivering the "manly" goods, there will be some out there who feel that there could have been more; that it wasn't manly enough for them to swallow their pride completely.

The Ugly:
For those who are fans of the suave dude from "Inception", Chris Pine, or peanut butter filled chocolate delicacies, then "This Means War" is the heart-throbbing Romantic/Action/Comedy you've been waiting for.  What it may lack in constant battle scenes is made up for in slap-stick comedy, beautifully choreographed make-out sequences, and a lot of heart.  Prepare to have yourself Witherspooned once again!!

5 out of 5

The Moth Diaries (2012) - Official Trailer [HD]

If there is anything that creeps me out the most in a Horror films it's Creepy Faces!!  Watch this trailer about a Vampire with the creepiest face that resembles that of a doll's, at the same time dressed up in a funky skirt.   She kind of reminds me of some people I know, only they don't suck my blood if I push the wrong buttons unless it's a Tuesday.

Chronicle

Look what you did Blair Witch!!!  Ever since the success of "The Blair Witch Project", Hollywood has been obsessed with making low-budget blockbusters.  Sometimes they succeed, and sometimes they fail about as bad as an ADHD kid during a game of "Go Fish".  When the politically correct group of friends named Andrew, Steve, and Matt come across a radioactive polygon, they find their hormones are going wild!  And no I'm not talking about the dirty stuff.... like playing in the mud.  They develop X-Men-ish powers and have the time of their lives, until Andrew starts going psycho on everybody.  Basically this flick is like a soap-opera with awesome special effects, and enough violence to satisfy even the craziest of loner High Schoolers with large amounts of angst.

The Good:
Just like the time I saw the first X-Men movie, "Chronicle" filled me with an abundance of pleasent day-dreams, about what I would do if I had awesome powers.  The first thing that came to my mind would be to take everything I touch and turn it into ginger, because imagine what would happen if I touched a loaf of bread!!  Usually in movies it's easy to tell who's good and who's bad, but something I admired about "Chronicle" is although Andrew eventually went nuts, you don't hate the kid, instead you pity the guy and want to find a way to help him.  The simplicity of the story-line was also refreshing, because usually in "Superhero" movies there will be a heavily detailed plot that spans a 2 hour period, but in "Chronicle" the story-line is simply what everyone else would do if we had superpowers... We would fly around, move things with our minds, party like it's 1699, and pretend to be Wonder Woman.

The Bad:
I really wanted Andrew's dad to receive some sort of punishment!  I'm not going to give anything away, but lets just say he was a grade A Jerk who needs to receive a punishment as extreme as his crimes, like spending a vacation on a cruise hosted by Rosie O' Donnell.  The only other bad thing about this non-X-Men film is the fact that it's a "Found Footage" movie.  Like I said earlier sometimes it works (see "Last Exorcism", or "Blair Witch"), and sometimes it makes you want to upchuck on the elderly couple sitting next to you, because the camera is shaking too much like it did in "Cloverfield".  Even though "Chronicle" wasn't too bad with the camera shaking all the time, you still have to admit that these "Found footage" movies are getting a little old.  If they don't quit making them soon, then there will be a lot more vomited popcorn and milk duds all over the theater floor.

The Ugly:
due to the fact that I don't usually watch "found footage" movies unless their Horror (which have their moments), I didn't go into this movie with much determination to stay awake.  As the story progressed my wife and I found it to be VERY interesting, and at times extremely entertaining.  Sure this "Superhero" movie is no "Avengers", but it does have more emotion than most big-budget hero flicks out there.

3 1/2 out of 5

Which Pan's Labyrinth poster do I like best?!!!

A very good friend of mine (lets call him g-dog) recently showed these to me, and being an obsessive Guillermo del Toro fan, these posters made my crohns twitch with happiness (followed by pain).  The first one is a freaken amazing picture of our favorite faun named Pan, and then the second one needs no explanation; Lets just say we were all thinking it.  Now that "I" think about it, what Pan's Labyrinth lacked most were a few 80s musical numbers, and pantyhoes!

and then.....

The Horror Portfolio

I'm not usually one for all these "fan made" trailers, but I stumbled upon this little diddy the other day, and I'm impressed by the fact this person made a Horror tribute that includes 64 films in only 5 minutes.  Dang girl That crazy!  It's a mix of some of the classic movies with some of the newer ones thrown in there, like "The Woman in Black".

Alright fellow nerds, HAVE AT IT!!

The Grey

Wolves!!!  At one point we thought they were cute when we saw them raise Mowgli in "Jungle Book", but this movie reveals them for what they really are, SPAWNS OF SATAN!  And with regards to Alaska, you'd think after seeing the movies "Into the Wild", "Alaska", "30 Days of Night", and "The Edge", that people would take a hint and NEVER go there.  Seriously it seems to me that anyone traveling to Alaska should be warned that their plane WILL crash, and they will either be chased by bears, wolves, or foreign vampires who have a strong case of G-I-N-G-I-V-I-T-I-S.    The story follows several oil workers whose plane crashes deep in the Alaskan wilderness (called it!), and not only do they have to find a way to keep warm, but they have to survive wolves the size of mini-coopers.  Luckily for them they have a hunter named Ottway (Neeson), who helps out the best he can.

The Good:
I always enjoy a good flick about a bunch of dudes surviving in some land that sucks the life out of you, like "Into the Wild", "The Edge", "Boys in the Hood", or any Zombie movie you can think of.  despite the fact that this movie is really intense, and has a lot of action in it, what I liked most is some of the heartfelt moments between Neeson and his friends when he's helping them with survival, or to cope with death.  Liam Neeson was such a tender-loving sweetheart in the movie, that one day I hope we're on a plane together, and that after it crashes we can recreate some of those lovely moments!  Before Liam Neeson became this HUGE action star, he was in Oscar-Winning films like "Schindler's list", and it's not like he was doing bad with himself.  All the sudden that changed, a few years ago he's become one of the most effective action stars out there.  The difference between Neeson's action films, and the action films of others is that he doesn't focus on how stylized the violence can be.  Liam Neeson's action flicks are blunt, realistic, and gritty, much like this film here.

The Bad:
Even though the trailer sells the movie like it's going to be one massive fight scene between Neeson and wolves, I just want to let you guys know that's not the case AT ALL.  There aren't really any fight scenes to begin with, unless you count wolves tearing helpless men to shreds as a fight;  So the advertising for this movie wasn't very accurate.  Maybe this stems from my utter hatred for pets, but it cracks me up when I see animals in movies have personality, I mean what is this, Twilight?  are these wolves really just a bunch of half-naked Natives running around, communicating their feelings to each other telepathically?  I'd like to think so, that'd be freaken awesome!  But seriously I'm sure all that's going through the wolves minds is a song that goes like "I'm chewing on this man, yum yum yum, he thought he could run, so dumb dumb dumb".

The Ugly:
Basically the Moral of this story is that planes are attracted to the ground when traveling over Alaska, which usually ends up in a crash, much like eating a king-size Toblerone only to realize that the fat is leasing out an apartment right in your love handles.  To me this is the king of all survival movies, and has to be one of the better DVD releases of the year, so if you're a fan of Alaska, Wolves, Neeson, and snow-covered beards, then this is the movie for you!

5 out of 5

One for the Money

Down on her luck and money, the sexy Kathrine Heigel has hit rock bottom when she literally fell on some rocks and hurt her bottom.  In this not so funny (and unofficial) sequel to the great flop that is "Bounty Hunter", our favorite hot person from "Grey's Anatomy" (which I've never seen) attempts to pick herself back up by becoming a bounty hunter.  To her misfortune the first person that she has to bring in is a man who looks like he's been applying "Mad Men" to his life, so you know that it's only a matter of time before she thinks to herself.  "dang he fine!  I'ma going to threaten him with this gun, and tell him he has the right to remain sexy."  I'm assuming that's what she would say if she was taking voice lessons from Tyler Perry.  The trouble is once she starts attempting to bring him in, she realizes that he's actually the victim of something crazy!

The Good:
Right alongside with Julia Robert's laugh, Jon Hamm's chizzled chin, or Amy Adams' chipmunk squeak, Katherine Heigl's face seems to suck in all the focus, making even the crappiest of movies half decent.  Imagine if you were to put all of those actor's attributes into one person!  Now that would definitely be Hollywood's greatest creation, and they're probably working on her right now.  Basically I'm saying that I wasn't too attached to the movie, but if it wasn't for Katherine's charming acting/face then I probably wouldn't have finished it in the first place;  I would have instead picked up one of the Twilight books with a bucket of mint-chocolate chip ice-cream in my hands.

The Bad:
What is this movie, a 13-year old High Schooler?!  It makes it hard for the viewer to watch a film, when even the film doesn't know what it wants to be.  When it started out, my wife and I were about as giddy as Slumdog Millionaire after he gets the girl, because we knew we were getting a Romantic Comedy we can both enjoy, but sadly that wasn't the case.  about 30 minutes into the film, it takes a major change and turns into a movie that tries to be a light-hearted version of "Taken".  The film was driving us crazy in our minds, because we didn't know how we should approach it!  So physically we looked relaxed on the couch, but internally we were shaking the TV while yelling "What do you want from me?!  Just take the money and leave us alone!!"

The Ugly:
Even though I find this flick remarkably similar to a person afflicted with D.I.D., it wasn't too bad; like I said we did finish it.  I'm just saying that unless you want to put your brain into a blender and push "Pulse", then you'll probably want to stay away from this, otherwise do what any respectable brother would do and start reading Twilight.

1 1/2 out of 5

Can you survive a Horror film?

I've come to feel that through my obsession with the Horror genre, I would have an advantage in surviving a horrific encounter better than your average billy-bob.  Whether it's a serial killer with a hockey mask, a cannibalistic psychiatrist, being in a dark room with Michael Jackson, or Hide and seek with Kobe Bryant, I feel like i'd be fine.  Needless to say this Chart made me swallow my pride, and not underestimate a horrific situation.

Julia's Eyes

Blind People are creepy again!!  When you see a blind person give off a horrified expression, then you know that there is going to be some supernatural crap going down, like a bathroom break after partaking of ghost meat.  When Julia's sister is found hanging in a room, she decides to investigate the situation because there were no signs leading to her suicide.  So Julia puts her "Law and Order" cap on to prove that someone killed her sister, and if things couldn't get any worse Julia's sight is deteriorating, and will soon be completely blind.  She couldn't be in a worse position to go looking for a killer!! It's like a girl being admitted into a prison full of men.


The Good:
Del Toro you've done it again you old hunk of Spanish goodness!!  Knowing that the Renassiance-man-of-Horror had a hand in the making of this movie, it let me know that i'm in  for a Horror film with a creepy atmosphere.  Also, the people who were in charge of advertising for this movie deserve a scooby snack, because the Trailer for the film is alsmost completely different from what you'll be seeing on screen.  Vague advertising is good, because it'll make the movie that much bigger of a suprise, like going to a Red Lobster for the first time, and learning that they give you an unlimited amount of biscuits to accompany your meal.  Story-wise it's a breathe of fresh air, because (and I may be wrong about this), there aren't very many blind heroins out there, and the fact that Julia is trying to investigate a murder WHILE SHE'S BLIND makes it that much creeper to watch.  It must be pointed out that Belen Rueda is an AMAZING actress in this film (especially in "The Orphanage"), because as an actress no one pulls off the "Holy Crap I'm gonna Die" look better than her.

The Bad:
I don't mean to come off as sexist, but sometimes subtitles drive me insane!! (wait how is that sexist?).  For me it's like taking notes in Anatomy Class, because i'll try to read the subtitles quickly enough so I can see whats going on with the rest of the movie, but sometimes they speak too much too quick that I miss what beautiful pictures are being shown to me.  So when my teacher wants us to write down a bunch of notes, I end up missing all the pictures of people with STDs when talking about the reproductive system... it's just not meant to be like that.

The Ugly:
For a lot of people subtitles seem to be the deciding point on whether they'll be watching a certain movie or not, and sometimes it's understandable, but when it comes to viewing Del Toro movies like "Orphanage", "Pans Labyrinth" or "Julia's Eyes", it's best to suck it up because then you'll realize what treasures they can be.  "Julia's Eyes" in particular isn't on the same mantel as "Pan's Labyrinth", but on it's own it's a very effective thriller with an unsettling atmosphere, and it's all thanks to blind people and some of the creepy expressions they give off.

3 1/2 out of 5

The Vow

This movie proves that I have a heart as soft as a baby bunny, until his feet are processed into lucky key-chains.  "The Vow" is a True Story about a lovely young couple (played by VERY sexy people), who after going through the dating process and being married, end up having life crash on them in a tragic way, like when the McRib sandwich leaves McDonalds, or like the time we found out Snooki was pregnant.   Because Paige and Leo parked in the middle of a street, it was only a matter of time before a trucker, who was listening to Selena Gomez too loud, would rear-end them.  As a result Leo was injured, and Paige suffered Severe memory loss, and no it's not as cute as "50 First Dates."  Because Paige can't remember Leo at all, it's up to him to get Paige to love him again and secure their marriage.  

The Good:
I didn't full out ball when watching this movie like it did at the end of "Titanic", "What Dreams May Come", "Grave of the Fireflies", and "Scary Movie 3", but my eyes did get watery almost as if I had been chopping up onions all day.  This was a lovely movie that doesn't have a horrible ending like most Nicholas Sparks stories do, and i'm not ruining the movie when I say that, because on the poster it says "Based on the Incredible True Story"; you would know if the ending was going to suck if it said "Based on the crappy heart-wrenching True Story".  Rachel McAdams is a beautiful babe-of-a-woman who is notorious for being able to tackle any kind of role handed to her, but the most pleasant acting surprise of the movie was the remarkably chizzled CHANNING TATUM!  His acting was surprisingly good! and I don't know if any of you guys noticed, but he's become a lot funnier in his later films.  Even though he was good, it makes me sad that his acting skills have improved,  because now I can't refer to him as the actor who flushed his career down the pooper when he stared in the sequel to "Glitter", aka "G.I. Joe".

The Bad:
Stress! Stress! Stress!  There were some parts of this flick that gave me so much stress that not only did I get a crohnsy flare-up in my buttocks, but the amount of gray hair on my head tripled!  I swear by the end of the week I'm going to look like Richard Gere, minus the sex-appeal.  in the film's defense it doesn't try to hide the fact that it's a stressful movie, and if anything it promotes Stress like it's one of the main characters.  So if you think your going to get a cute Meg Ryan-type chick flick, then you're going to be sorely disappointed, like when I found out Michael Jackson wasn't a white female.  

The Ugly:
The Ugly truth about this film is that it's anything but ugly, as a matter of fact it's sexy!  Rachel McAdams and Channing are so DARN good looking that I would totally keep them locked in the closet, and wrapped in plastic-wrap so they always stay fresh... Maybe I should stop taking pointers from Dr. Lecter's Autobiography.  But in all seriousness this is a very Romantic love story, and it keeps you at the edge of your seat hoping that everything will be alright for them in the end.  Realistically,  guys will be at the edge of their seats dreaming about taking Rachel McAdams to get a McRib at Mcdonalds (that's a lot of Mcs), and the girls will be coo-coo for coco puffs over Channing's well defined six-pack.

4 out of 5

The Avengers

HULK SMASH!!!  Seeing this film was an absolute delight, and that's coming from a guy who can honestly care less about superheros who dress like a bunch of D&D nerds.  This film (much like the Expendables) reaks of Testosterone filled awesomeness, and just when you thought there couldn't be anymore awesomeness, it kept coming.   I have to tell ya even though I enjoyed this flick to the utmost, It broke my heart to see a bunch of people dressing up for the movie.  After my brother and I came out of the matinee showing, it was to our horror when we saw a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite-type people dressed up as Thor, and acting just like him.  Although they are having fun, they just made the idea of making out with a hot girl a VERY DISTANT THOUGHT!  Maybe they'll run into a manly woman who also enjoys dressing up as Thor, but it makes me cringe to think of what those make-out sessions would look like...  The story picks up where each individual avenger movie left off.  Thor's douche-bag of a brother decides to befriend ET's relatives, and take over planet earth (I guess ET hated our planet more than we all thought).  And that is when America's favorite black pirate "Dark Fury" gathers all these super heroes together, because they are the earth's only hope.  The Result of all these heroes being together is one AMAZING battle scene that takes place in the ending, which is like porn for these hero loving nerds, or like the Food Network for me on a good day.  
This was a very fun movie to watch, and it makes me think of who my superhero team would include.  It would be as follows:  Jason, Freddy, Alien, Predator, Hannibal, the rabbit from Donnie Darko, and the Woman in black...  That actually sounds like a horrible idea.

5 out of 5

The Raven

It's not every day when your chick-flick loven wife says "Lets go see a Horror movie this weekend!"  After I soiled myself, I went to go change my pants and said "Lets go babe!"  Then I kissed her in the same fashion the people in "Gone with the Wind" do.
The death of Edgar Allan Poe is a huge mystery among English teachers, Gothic nerds, Horror lovers, and British people  all around, and this movie is an attempt to explain the "unusual circumstances" that led to his death.  Played by John Cusack, Edgar is going through a midlife crisis because he feels all his creativity is washed up, and he didn't have enough money to afford a Mercedes so there was no possible way to fill that gap.  Things start to change for Poe when people start dying in the same manner that characters died  in his poems, making him a valuable asset to the police in capturing the little squirt.  This may not have been the greatest movie ever made, but the premise is cool enough that everything else doesn't matter.  It was cute to see my wife watch this movie because she spent the whole time pointing out which one of Edgar's poems were being depicted by the killer, and it was especially cute when the answer was obvious, like the "pit and the pendulum."  One thing I must point out is how Ironic it is that the movie is called the Raven, when ravens are constantly dying throughout the film!  I swear those are the stupidest birds of all time, because they're always putting themselves into positions of getting shot, trampled, or choked by an 8-year old ginger.  You'd think they'd learn from trial-and-error how to survive better, but instead it's like what Forrest Gump once said, "Stupid is as stupid does."  The movie has definitely reaffirmed my belief that the raven is the depressed suicidal creature of the bird world.  Regardless of my hatred for that bird, what would have made the movie even better was if the bad guy was literally a Raven!  Wouldn't that be cool?  A human/raven man who is too fat to fly but can perch on furniture, squawking nonstop... What was in that cereal?

3 1/2 out of 5