The Apparition

As one with ADHD whose mind races about 1000 miles per hour, I often contemplate about what scenarios would be the worst to die in.  Some say drowning, some say being burned alive like one of chef Ramsey’s Chef’s in “Hell’s Kitchen”, or being stuck listening to the “Titanic” theme being sung in Chinese on a cable car filled with douche bags in San Francisco.  Needless to say that I prayed for any one of these scenarios to happen, just as long as I don’t have to sit through this uninspired crap of a flick.  It follows the story of a young hot couple who settle into a very big house in the suburbs, and seem to have enough money where they can buy practically anything at Cosco, despite the fact that he repairs TV’s for “Best Buy” and she is an amateur vet who just sticks thermometers up dog’s butts.  So unless they won the lottery, or they’re selling their bodies on the street corner after 12am, then I have no idea how they’re getting all the money.  Their confusingly perfect lives become troubled as they are haunted by the not-“the Grudge”-ghost, and it slowly consumes their lives so that it may be able to live.  None of this would have happened if the TV fixing boyfriend didn't try to be a ghost hunter with Tom Felton (my wife’s future lover), because it was them meddling around that unleashed the ghost in the first place.  What will happen to them? Will they lose their Cosco membership? Will they’re suburbs life be ruined forever?  You’ll find out if you stay awake till the end.

The Good:                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Seeing them shop compulsively at Cosco with very little money made me happy, because for a short while I felt that I can lower my expectations about my life, and yet still buy a bunch of pointless crap.  Of course that dream ended when I realized how fake this movie really is, but still, I was happy to see that Cosco has many different deals with regards to their outdoors section, and their kitchen utilities section;  all of you shoppers need to have at these amazing deals!

The Bad:

I liken this movie unto Hitler’s mustache, it’s awkward, it scares the women off, and it just doesn't make sense.  There were even parts of this movie that almost made me cry, because the entire two hours I kept thinking to myself “I just spent $20 on this piece of poo, and I didn't even get any popcorn.  Why does my head hurt?  I should probably get my homework done… etc”.  the worse part about it was that just a few theater rooms down there was a sold out showing of “the Possession”, which for the record I would rather have seen, but my wife’s love for Tom Felton conquers all. 

The Ugly:

Don’t see this movie.  As a Horror fan I’m usually impressed by any kind of Horror movie, and I’m really good at finding something to like out of even the crappiest film, but this movie has proved me wrong.  After crying on the way home because of wasting $20, one of the two nightmares I had that night was of me going to see this movie one more time, the other nightmare was about me wetting the bed. 

0 out of 5