The Avengers

HULK SMASH!!!  Seeing this film was an absolute delight, and that's coming from a guy who can honestly care less about superheros who dress like a bunch of D&D nerds.  This film (much like the Expendables) reaks of Testosterone filled awesomeness, and just when you thought there couldn't be anymore awesomeness, it kept coming.   I have to tell ya even though I enjoyed this flick to the utmost, It broke my heart to see a bunch of people dressing up for the movie.  After my brother and I came out of the matinee showing, it was to our horror when we saw a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite-type people dressed up as Thor, and acting just like him.  Although they are having fun, they just made the idea of making out with a hot girl a VERY DISTANT THOUGHT!  Maybe they'll run into a manly woman who also enjoys dressing up as Thor, but it makes me cringe to think of what those make-out sessions would look like...  The story picks up where each individual avenger movie left off.  Thor's douche-bag of a brother decides to befriend ET's relatives, and take over planet earth (I guess ET hated our planet more than we all thought).  And that is when America's favorite black pirate "Dark Fury" gathers all these super heroes together, because they are the earth's only hope.  The Result of all these heroes being together is one AMAZING battle scene that takes place in the ending, which is like porn for these hero loving nerds, or like the Food Network for me on a good day.  
This was a very fun movie to watch, and it makes me think of who my superhero team would include.  It would be as follows:  Jason, Freddy, Alien, Predator, Hannibal, the rabbit from Donnie Darko, and the Woman in black...  That actually sounds like a horrible idea.

5 out of 5

Captain America

Overview:  Steve Rogers is a strange little boy whose hobbies include: being a wallflower at dances, getting the crap beat out of him in alleys, and falling in love with women who are WAY out of his league.  Knowing that Steve would be the worst soldier ever, he kept on getting rejected from the Army, that is until the Pedophile from "The Lovely Bones" comes along and gives him the chance of a lifetime;  Steve becomes the part of a SUPER-human experiment.  Once he's strapped in to the ultra-powerful (yep primitive) Bow-flex machine filled with the glowy liquid from rave parties, he becomes the patriotic hunk that all the ladies enjoy wooing over, while the guys look to him as a brother.  Together with the U.S. Army Captain America battles with a Nazi that had too much Tabasco sauce as a kid, while trying to win the war at the same time.

The Good:  Let it be known that I'm not the biggest fan of comic book movies, unless it's something by Guillermo del Toro, the "Hulk", or "Thor", but this movie wasn't that bad.  It wasn't only a good movie, it also made me feel strangely patriotic enough that I felt like eating an entire Thanksgiving meal at the Golden Corral.  The Action was awesome all throughout, especially the (SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT) part when a man gets chopped into ground beef when going through the propeller.  Even though C thought he was silly, I actually liked Hugo Weaving as the no-nosed-Nazi, the only reason she didn't like him is because she thought he looked like Jim Carrey from "The Mask", and she was afraid of an inevitable Brazilian-musical number.  Can't say anything bad about Chris Evans, the man is likened unto a bowl of ice-cream... simply pleasant.

The Bad:  The movie was far more entertaining than I thought it would be, and I won't say much since I fear the uprising of the ultimate "Captain America" nerds.  It seems like at times during the movie I kept saying to myself "Who cares about all the mushy stuff, can't you go kill some more Nazis' already?!"  It was definitely a fun comic book/popcorn/summer movie to see, but in some areas it falls short; put it this way, it will never be a "Dark Knight".  I'm also starting to get the feeling that Hollywood is saying "Alright worms! Lets poop out the last Avenger movie so we can start making 'The Avengers'".

The Ugly:  Traditionally this is not the kind of movie I would ever seen in the theaters, but after seeing it and thinking about it in the bathtub afterwards, I realized that it was a fun ride.  Don't go see this movie alone, because not only will you be depressed, but you'll forever hate the U.S. and eventually move to the Middle-east.

3 out of 5