This Means War

Just when you thought the girl who eats Reese's Pieces with her spoon was gone, there came this sudden light from the butt-crack of the new chick-flick era dominated by Katherine Heigel, and what a light it is.  in order to make her hot boyfriend incredibly jealous she creates a profile on the risque version of E-Harmony, and contacts a dude that turns out to be an assassin.  All is well until the assassin's "partner-in-killing", named Captain Kirk, decides he wants a piece of the Reese.  So the two men duke it out by using their spy techniques to undermine each other, and get the girl they think they love.

The Good:
Much like the classic taste of Reese's Pieces candy, this movie reminded me of why I like Reese Witherspoon so much.  Her charming smile, her blonde hair, her perfect teeth, and her semi-annoying expressions make me feel as welcome and comfortable like when i'm wrapped in a warm hospital blanket.  Reese Witherspoon usually dominates any movie she's in, but when put next to the two twitterpated assassins you hardly notice her, because everything the guys do is either action packed to the ying-yang, or down right hilarious.  This is definitely one of those underrated movies that didn't get the recognition it deserved at the box office, but hopefully now that it's coming out on DVD people can give it a chance, because it's as sure to please as a Grilled Stuffed Burrito is sure to mess with your bowls.

The Bad:
I am one of those brothers out there who isn't afraid to admit that I like chick-flicks, even though I close the blinds when turning on "Valentines Day" or something like it.  I, however, am not the rest of the male population, and funnily enough  not a lot of guys think to themselves "Hey!  Lets bring our masculinity down a level, and watch a Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movie as a bunch of sensitive bro's!"  The best way to get most guys to love a chick-flick is to throw in a lot of explosions, guns, girls, and a good Highway Chase scene.  While "This Means War" is fairly decent about delivering the "manly" goods, there will be some out there who feel that there could have been more; that it wasn't manly enough for them to swallow their pride completely.

The Ugly:
For those who are fans of the suave dude from "Inception", Chris Pine, or peanut butter filled chocolate delicacies, then "This Means War" is the heart-throbbing Romantic/Action/Comedy you've been waiting for.  What it may lack in constant battle scenes is made up for in slap-stick comedy, beautifully choreographed make-out sequences, and a lot of heart.  Prepare to have yourself Witherspooned once again!!

5 out of 5

The Thing

Ranking right up there with Steven Spielberg, Metallica, and Alf, John Carpenter is a national treasure that shouldn't be picked on like a red-headed stepchild in a lower class middle school.  When John Carpenter made "The Thing" it was a phenomenon!  there was nothing about that movie that wasn't good.  The music was chilling, the graphics were amazingly twisted, the coats looked warm, and the acting was pretty dang good.  There wasn't a single ingredient in that movie that wasn't delicious, much like the ingredients to a grilled stuffed burrito... before you wake up in the middle of the night hugging the toilet like it's one of the care bears.  With that movie (Made in 1982), why would anyone want to pick on that ginger and make another one?  Needless to say I was skeptical about a remake, but when I heard that it was only a prequel my bowls rested a little better.  It wasn't as good as the John Carpenter original, but it wasn't trying to be, it was only acting as a tribute to Carpenter's (only this time with better graphics).  What I liked most about this movie was they included even MORE of the "Who is Alien and who is Human?" stuff, because it's a chance to see a bunch of grown ups point fingers at each other like it's another Jerry Springer episode, only this time there's no scandal between people who look like they've been spanked a little too hard as newborns.  So go enjoy this one, and if you really want to get the most out of this experience then have a grilled stuffed burrito in one hand, and a role of toilet paper in the other.

3 1/2 out of 5