The Thing

Ranking right up there with Steven Spielberg, Metallica, and Alf, John Carpenter is a national treasure that shouldn't be picked on like a red-headed stepchild in a lower class middle school.  When John Carpenter made "The Thing" it was a phenomenon!  there was nothing about that movie that wasn't good.  The music was chilling, the graphics were amazingly twisted, the coats looked warm, and the acting was pretty dang good.  There wasn't a single ingredient in that movie that wasn't delicious, much like the ingredients to a grilled stuffed burrito... before you wake up in the middle of the night hugging the toilet like it's one of the care bears.  With that movie (Made in 1982), why would anyone want to pick on that ginger and make another one?  Needless to say I was skeptical about a remake, but when I heard that it was only a prequel my bowls rested a little better.  It wasn't as good as the John Carpenter original, but it wasn't trying to be, it was only acting as a tribute to Carpenter's (only this time with better graphics).  What I liked most about this movie was they included even MORE of the "Who is Alien and who is Human?" stuff, because it's a chance to see a bunch of grown ups point fingers at each other like it's another Jerry Springer episode, only this time there's no scandal between people who look like they've been spanked a little too hard as newborns.  So go enjoy this one, and if you really want to get the most out of this experience then have a grilled stuffed burrito in one hand, and a role of toilet paper in the other.

3 1/2 out of 5