Jonah Hex

Overview:  “True Grit” meets “Van Helsing” in this somewhat underwhelming Western.  Jonah the Hex was a peaceful family man, until he barked up the wrong tree that is John Malkovich, as a result he looses his offspring (can’t remember if it’s a boy or girl… or both?) and his wife to a bunch of arsonist hicks; this is when he became an X-men.  Now Jonah can speak to the dead, barf crows out of his mouth, and shoot some cool guns.  Teaming up with his prostitute girlfriend (ironically played by Megan Fox), he seeks to avenge his family and protect the US of A.

The Good:  Truth be told I love Westerns, and it doesn’t take much for me to like them as long as there is sweet music, fast gun slinging, and righteous punch-lines I’m sold.  “Jonah Hex” does succeed in looking like a good Western and having some fun gun fights, so that did make me giddy enough to squeal with delight.  Amidst the silly storyline Josh Brolin actually did a good job leading the rest of the ultra-silly cast, and whenever a crappy scene was coming into play, Josh would save it with flying colors. 

The Bad:  This is just not a good movie, plain and simple, and that “aint no lie….baby bye bye bye?”  Although it wasn’t as bad as “Skyline”, it was still a movie that’s not worth watching; I pray to God that I never see a movie like “Skyline” again.  John Malkovich gets to play another crappy bad guy yet again, so maybe he should just stick to his nutty good-guy roles instead.  Megan Fox once again proves that she can’t act, and continues to embarrass America with every breath she takes; I’m sure she was thinking “Why did I have to be such a meany poopy-face to Michael Bay, and thus sacrifice the next (and most likely crappy) installment in the “Transformers” series? 

The Ugly: Besides Jonah’s face, this is a pretty ugly movie, the only time I would suggest watching it is when you’re doing chores around the house, or clipping your toenails.  There are some fun moments in this movie, so it’s not completely worthless, like Paris Hilton’s life, it’s just you feel very underwhelmed when it finally finishes.

1 out of 5