The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series

Overview:  Lisbeth Salander is one messed up chick.  She has way too many piercings, dresses like an emo 12-year old, questions her sexuality more than Clay Aiken, and has a (pretty awesome) tattoo of a Dragon on her back.  Although it’s a trilogy, it’s basically one movie, and so I’m going to review all of them at once.  In an attempt not to confuse anyone, I’m going to give as little of the storyline that my ADHD mind will allow.  Lisbeth is a computer hacker who’s history is scared by being sexually assaulted by pervy old men, and she’s considered a menace to society, although I don’t think her attire is helping her case.  She crosses paths with a magazine editor named Mikael Blomkvist, and together they help each other out in significant ways, and embark on morbid versions of “chip and dale’s rescue ranger’s” quests; I’ll stop here so I don’t end up shoving my stinky foot in my mouth, because that crap is gross.

The Good:  I’m sure a bunch of whiney High School tweens are all over these movies, and I’m not talking about the “Twilight” losers.  I’m talking about those kids who think their lives are so tough, their parents are out to get them, and they gather together to listen to Marilyn Manson because he knows their pain.  Although I’m not one of those kids (I just so happened to love my life), I did think these movies were very artistic, and in different ways.  The entire film had this Godfather/Andy Warhol/Horror feel to it, and maybe it was how Lisbeth dressed, but regardless it looked awesome.  The other way these movies were artistic is because they flaunt Sweden like an 8-year old redhead does his boogers.  Even though the story is dark, you can’t help but think “wouldn’t it be nice to visit Sweden one day”, and then something bad happens on screen and you think “Screw that!!”  The acting by Noomi Rapace and Michael Nyqvist is so phenomenal, that it makes me afraid the American remake won’t bring in actors that have the same chemistry. 

The Bad:  I haven’t read the books so I can’t say much, but I don’t think the filmmakers though too much about keeping the dark mood consistent in all three movies.  First we find out Lisbeth has a tattoo, and we see her crack a Sherlock Holmes case from Hell.  Next our little Pyro decides to play with fire, aka she tries to find out who’s plotting against her.  And lastly we see her kick a massive Hornet’s nest of thugs trying to keep her behind bars.  The problem is these movies are so different.  The first one plays out like “Seven” or “Red Dragon”, the second is like an interesting episode of “Law and Order”, and the third one is like the ending to “The Majestic”.  Each movie is good, but it gives you whiplash because the series changes styles to much, like Elton John’s wardrobe during a concert. 

The Ugly:  Viewer’s discretion is advised for this trippy/morbid series, because it’s definitely not for the faint hearted.  This is the king of all movies when it comes to showing how bad sexual violence is, so this is definitely not everybody's trilogy.  These are very good films though, and beneath all that tattooed exterior there are some good messages to behold, and then there is probably just flesh and bones… too logical? Well shove it.  Just make sure that when you’re finished watching these movies, turn on an episode of “Wonder Pets” or “Dora the Explorer” to bring happiness and love back into your lives.

4 out of 5