#7 Dead Alive

Overview:  Is there any kind of disease a monkey cannot carry, other than IBS?  When Lionel Cosgrove and his overbearing mom take a trip to the zoo, she gets bit by the most disgusting claymation creature ever created… the SPIDER MONKEY!  Once the mom was bit by the monkey’s buttery grill, it slowely turns her into a zombie, so on and so forth.  It’s up to her back-boneless grandson to save the girl, protect his peeps, and tell the mom to shove it.

The Good:  Before Peter Jackson was making us all feel fuzzy inside with hairy footed Hobbits, anal Dwarves, and sexy Elves, he was one of the masters of Horror.  Not only was Peter Jackson good at Horror films, but he’s crafted some of the goriest ones ever made.  As a matter of fact, “Dead Alive” is arguably the bloodiest film to date, but all in good humor.  What I like most about "Dead Alive" is how it holds nothing back with the blood and gore. While being hilarious (because when is blood not hilarious?), there are parts of this movie when there is so much blood that the entire TV screen is painted red; only occasionally do you get a glimpse of one of the other lesser colors.  It’s from seeing this movie that I now understand why Peter Jackson made “Lord of the Rings” the way he did.  There were parts of that fun loving epic that seemed borderline freaky, and I remember several people saying stuff like “He shouldn’t have made it that dark and violent”; well as it turns out dark and violent movies are what he’s good at.  This isn’t going to spoil anything, but by far the best part of the movie is when Lionel faces an entire horde of zombies, and to get rid of them he picks up a push-lawnmower and mows them all down; nothing gives a man a greater testosterone rush than something like that… well, maybe pop-tarts dipped in butter, but who does that right?

The Bad:  It’s not that the acting is bad, because it’s meant to be taken as a funny cheesy movie, but you can tell that Peter Jackson didn’t give a crap about the actors.  It’s like he would start filming a dramatic scene and then yell “You’re making my eyes bleed!!! Let’s spice it up by throwing some blood on everyone!”  There are a lot of people that wouldn’t be able to handle this movie, because there are some things Peter Jackson does with the gore that can cause your stomach to spin.  Next thing you know your tasting that corn-dog from lunch, and you end up hurling all over your date in a projectile manner.

The Ugly:  Yes this movie is dark and gory, but it is freakishly funny!!  Unless you have the stomach of an eighth grade ginger, “Dead Alive” will make you laugh your guts out (Boom shaka laka!!), and you will be wanting Peter Jackson to go back to making films like this… Or he can come out with another “Lord of the Rings” movie, I’m just saying.

31/2 out of 5