The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

What can I really say about the 2^nd installment in the Hobbit series?  I know!  The best way I could describe my love for this movie is that it’s: the Hermione Granger to my Ron Weasley (that sounds gross), the Chocolate to my Peanut Butter Cup or the skinny-dippers to my Jason Voorhees.  Before the Lord of the Rings trilogy even ended, I always considered these “middle-earth” films to be the highlight of the Holidays.  People (like my mom) would come up to me and say “what do you want for Christmas?” and “are you excited for Christmas morning?”, and to them I would say “of course I’m excited for Lord of the Rings!!”  In this 2^nd movie Bilbo Baggins continues his quest with the group of unnaturally hairy midgets to reclaim their rather crappy homeland, and in this portion of the quest he runs into spiders, a bunch of drunk men and a rather creepy dragon.  That to me was the best part of the movie when Bilbo interacts with the Dragon for the fist time, because it’s with that scene that you got to see Director Peter Jackson’s Horror roots come out in an extremely chilling fashion, it's just too bad that that scene didn't involve a lawn mower destroying everyone in the room.

4 1/2 out of 5

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

In this 10^th installment of the Harry Potter Franchise, we see Percy (Harry Potter) team back up with his friends Annabeth (Hermione) and Grover (Ron) to save their magical camp (Hogwarts) from those who are trying to destroy it (Deatheaters).  As it turns out all those monsters (Deatheaters) who are out in the sea really hate the camp (Hogwarts) that Percy (Potter) is a part of, and so in order to destroy it they seek to revive (using the sorcerer’s stone) the great evil one who conjured up so much evil in the past (Voldemort).  Now of course I’m kidding when I say that this movie is just like Harry Potter, because it’s totally different… HAHA yeah right! Like fun it’s not!  Other than being totally unoriginal, one other drawback this movie contains is that it’s about as cheesy as Facing the Giants, as a deep dish pizza, or about as cheesy as any other Christian made movie in the history of Cinema, except for the Narnia films, because those movies are dope!  Now I’m not saying this movie was totally sucky, because there were some pretty awesome battle scenes taking place, and my wife thought it was cool to see certain monsters since she teaches Mythology as one of her classes.  I just have trouble with people in Hollywood and certain writers just piggy-backing off of themes that are mainstream in the teenage culture.  You see this the most with the movies that came after Twilight, because after that glittery vampire made love to the depressing Bella we started seeing movies like Warm Bodies, Beautiful Creatures, Mortal Instruments, Vampire Diaries, SNL’s Firelight, True Blood and The Originals.  After Harry Potter was made, we started seeing movies like The Golden Compass (which flunked), Spiderwick Chronicles and the Percy Jackson movies.  Like I mentioned previously, there are some redeemable qualities of the second Percy Jackson movie, but the filmmakers are kidding themselves if they think that they are going to create a franchise that resembles anything even closely related to the success of the Harry Potter films.

 1 1/2 out of 5

Snow White and The Huntsman

Why is Snow White the most famous princess/fairy tale all the sudden?!  Out of the blue this babe of a princess has been sucking in the box office spotlight with the comedy "Mirror Mirror", then with this Thor infested work of art.  One thing for sure about the Snow White craze is apple sales have surely spiked about 80%, Chris Hemsworth's testosterone filled action profile has increased, and Kristin stewert is finally given a role where she doesn't bite her lip 24/7.  The story begins as the classical Snow White story with the jealous/psychopathic stepmom wanting to kill Snow White because she sucks up all the glory, but before it could happen she escapes and runs like a gazell to the Dark Forrest where it's obvious Tim Burton wiped his butt everywhere.  the Queen then sends the God of Thunder to do her dirty work and bring Snow White back, and this is where I stop because I don't want to give away the predictable story of betrayal, love, and apples that are eaten way past their expiration date.

The Good:
Driving down the Highway once I saw a Hooters billboard that said "Set your standards low, then you'll be pleasantly supprised about everything coming your way". This is one of those flicks that I went into not caring if it sucks or not, because even if it's utter crap i'm still going to enjoy it because it looks cool, and the visual effects make me want to stuff my face with popcorn.  To my supprise I not only tolerated the movie, but I very much enjoyed it... thanks for the advice Hooters!  Kristen Stewart still has a long way to go with her acting, but all in all her acting wasn't bad, and a part of me even forgot that she was Bella from Twilight in the first place.  One thing I knew was going to be awesome was Chris Hemsworth, and I was right, he delivered the action goods, the manly british accent, and the massive muscles.  He is definitly one of those people I wouldn't mind reenacting the volly-ball scene from Top Gun with.  Other than Chris the movie just looked cool, and if you're a Horror fan like me, then you'll love the horrific images that you'll be bombarded with in the black Forrest.

The Bad:
Ya know when you see certain child actors think they're holding the world by the belly-button, and that they're God's gift to mankind?  These people include Hillary Duff, Lindsey Lohan, and other Disney stars who not only think they can act, but that they can also sing, design clothing, run a successful animal slaughtering cult, etc...   Kristen Stewart should try to avoid becoming one of these people by sticking to roles we know she can handle without looking embarrassing, at least for a little while.  I bring this up because it was only a short while since the Twilight movies were finished (except the last one), and when it comes to her being in super serious movies where she has to give a "Braveheart" type speech, I don't think I can take it seriously.  There was one part of the film when she rally's up an army, and when I saw that my wife and I said, "Great, the angsty teen from Forks is trying to prep a bunch of body-builders for war."  Like I mentioned earlier her acting surprisingly wasn't bad, but she should avoid those academy award winning speeches for a bit.

The Ugly:
I knew this wasn't going to be the greatest movie of all time way before I saw it, and to be frank it's sometimes as silly as the whale from "Free Willie" jumping over that kid; we all know his lardy butt would have squashed that child in an instant.  Sometimes those silly (wannabe) epic movies are the funner ones to watch, much like "Ghost Rider" and this one, so all in all I thought this movie was a very pleasant theater experience, where I could eat my popcorn like Cookie Monster eats his cookies.

3 out of 5

Into The Wild

Overview:  Sick and tired of living the rich-boy life style, Christopher McCandless (played by Emile Hirsch) decides to forsake his career, his family, and all of society in order to live in the wild of Alaska.  Along his journey he meets all kinds of neat people, including Bella Swan before she was wooed by Edward, and a very nice old man that you just want to hug.

The Good:  I’m the kind of person who loves to live life dangerously, whether that includes going kayaking during a tornado warning, drinking an entire “Monster Energy Drink” even though I have crohns, and making fun of large bears when they are on the opposite side of the fence in the zoo.  This movie is really good at making you want to be active out in the forest area, and forgetting what goes on in real life.  “Into the Wild” was amazing to look at, and at times it was so tranquil that you almost felt you were on Chris’ journey with him.  Along with how beautiful it looks, it was also the amazing soundtrack that gave the film its tranquility.  Mad Kudos out to actor Emile Hirsch, who must have undergone a lot of physical challenges in order to meet this role; it’s like he spent several years hanging out with the guy from “Man vs Wild” in order to understand nature.  As opposed to what the trailer will tell you, this movie isn’t ONLY about Christopher finding ways to keep himself entertained in the woods, its more like a “Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, “Forest Gump” and “Big fish” kind of movie.  I say that because he meets and befriends a wide variety of people all throughout his journey, and each person he meets carries a very emotional story; watch out for the old guy in the end, that man will make you bawl like Miss USA after being awarded the crown. 

The Bad:  For what kind of film this is, the movie is freakishly long! By the time the two hour mark roles around you want to yell at director Sean Penn “WE UNDERSTAND!! He hates society and he won’t shoot a deer if it has a child!”  I would have liked a little bit more of Chris’ parents in the movie as well.  William Hurt and Marcia Gay Harden are wonderful actors who shine in basically every movie they’ve been in, but in this movie they fall short a little bit, which is disappointing because they are usually a treat to watch… I especially love how William Hurt has the eternal constipated look on his face.

The Ugly:  This is the ideal movie for those of you who are adventurers out there.  For me what I loved most about it is how it made you feel like you were actually in nature, and it makes you want to do more out-doorsy stuff.  It may be a little long, but it’s definitely worth it.

4 out of 5

Hanna

The Good: When first seeing the trailer I noticed the "Lovely Bones" girl being trained to fight by her "Eric Bana" of a father in the woods, while at the same time being hunted by Lady Galadriel.  This is as much i'll able to tell you about the story line without completely ruining it.  I went to see this with my brother and dad, and I think I enjoyed it better then they did.  This movie looks like it may be complex, but it's actually very simple... almost too simple.  It's not that movies with complex story lines are bad, it's just sometimes having a simple movie like "Hanna" is a breath of fresh air, because then you don't have to focus too much on the story and instead focus on how AWESOME all the fight scenes are.  Being an art lover, I loved how artistic this movie was, it seemed that every shot taken when making this film could end up on a calender, and i'm not talking about one of those crappy ones that they hand out at banks!  The acting was great! And although Saoirse Ronan and Cate Blanchett did an excellent job, it was Eric Bana (The Hulk, Munich) who put them to shame when he was on camera.

The Bad:  Like I said this movie is extremely simple, which serves a good purpose and a bad purpose.  I liked it because it helped me to just have fun and focus on the incredible action, but I didn't like it because there was practically NO PLOT!!!  This is why I wasn't able to write too much of an overview, because then you would have known the entire movie.  There seems to be a whole lot of fighting and not a whole lot of explaining.  Although the movie doesn't end on a cliff-hanger, it does end very quickly, so you end up having an awkward moment with the people sitting next to you.

The Ugly:  The ugly truth is this was a fun movie to see, because the action and acting is amazing.  One thing you have to make sure of before you see this movie is to have NO expectations; this way you won't be as disappointed due to the lack of plot.  All in all, this is a violent coming of age ( for a 13 year old) movie that is worth seeing at least once.

2 out of 5