Snow White and The Huntsman

Why is Snow White the most famous princess/fairy tale all the sudden?!  Out of the blue this babe of a princess has been sucking in the box office spotlight with the comedy "Mirror Mirror", then with this Thor infested work of art.  One thing for sure about the Snow White craze is apple sales have surely spiked about 80%, Chris Hemsworth's testosterone filled action profile has increased, and Kristin stewert is finally given a role where she doesn't bite her lip 24/7.  The story begins as the classical Snow White story with the jealous/psychopathic stepmom wanting to kill Snow White because she sucks up all the glory, but before it could happen she escapes and runs like a gazell to the Dark Forrest where it's obvious Tim Burton wiped his butt everywhere.  the Queen then sends the God of Thunder to do her dirty work and bring Snow White back, and this is where I stop because I don't want to give away the predictable story of betrayal, love, and apples that are eaten way past their expiration date.

The Good:
Driving down the Highway once I saw a Hooters billboard that said "Set your standards low, then you'll be pleasantly supprised about everything coming your way". This is one of those flicks that I went into not caring if it sucks or not, because even if it's utter crap i'm still going to enjoy it because it looks cool, and the visual effects make me want to stuff my face with popcorn.  To my supprise I not only tolerated the movie, but I very much enjoyed it... thanks for the advice Hooters!  Kristen Stewart still has a long way to go with her acting, but all in all her acting wasn't bad, and a part of me even forgot that she was Bella from Twilight in the first place.  One thing I knew was going to be awesome was Chris Hemsworth, and I was right, he delivered the action goods, the manly british accent, and the massive muscles.  He is definitly one of those people I wouldn't mind reenacting the volly-ball scene from Top Gun with.  Other than Chris the movie just looked cool, and if you're a Horror fan like me, then you'll love the horrific images that you'll be bombarded with in the black Forrest.

The Bad:
Ya know when you see certain child actors think they're holding the world by the belly-button, and that they're God's gift to mankind?  These people include Hillary Duff, Lindsey Lohan, and other Disney stars who not only think they can act, but that they can also sing, design clothing, run a successful animal slaughtering cult, etc...   Kristen Stewart should try to avoid becoming one of these people by sticking to roles we know she can handle without looking embarrassing, at least for a little while.  I bring this up because it was only a short while since the Twilight movies were finished (except the last one), and when it comes to her being in super serious movies where she has to give a "Braveheart" type speech, I don't think I can take it seriously.  There was one part of the film when she rally's up an army, and when I saw that my wife and I said, "Great, the angsty teen from Forks is trying to prep a bunch of body-builders for war."  Like I mentioned earlier her acting surprisingly wasn't bad, but she should avoid those academy award winning speeches for a bit.

The Ugly:
I knew this wasn't going to be the greatest movie of all time way before I saw it, and to be frank it's sometimes as silly as the whale from "Free Willie" jumping over that kid; we all know his lardy butt would have squashed that child in an instant.  Sometimes those silly (wannabe) epic movies are the funner ones to watch, much like "Ghost Rider" and this one, so all in all I thought this movie was a very pleasant theater experience, where I could eat my popcorn like Cookie Monster eats his cookies.

3 out of 5

Monster

Overview:  Basiclly being abused her entire life, Aileen Wuornos runs from her family and lives the life of a hooker.  When the abuse became too much she became a "Monster", and ended up killing almost everyone who picked her up.  amidst all this she falls in love with a young girl named Selby, but even that couldn't save her from flushing her life down the toilet.

The Good:  Well slice off some broccoli and serve it to a crohns diseased kid, was some of the finest acting I’ve ever seen on film!  Let’s add Charlize  Theron to the make-yourself-uglier-for-a-movie-role-and-you’ll-win-an-Oscar category, because she is now one of them lemmings.  She was such a great actress in this movie that I didn’t even know it was Charlize Theron 90% of the time, and the only way you can tell it was her is if you’re utterly obsessed, and in that case you need to stop while you’re ahead because being married to a celebrity never works.  Charlize wasn’t the only brilliant performance on screen, Christina Ricci played Aileen’s companion with the relish!  Christina has always pursued the comically creepy roles, and this time she’s creepy but not comical at all.  It’s true she is not the head actress in this movie, but it’s with her that you feel a majority of the emotion with.  One last congrats to Charlize Theron for not making Aileen look like a hero at the end of the movie, I’m sick of movies that praise the villains and damn the heroes.

The Bad:  Man do I feel like I need a sponge bath! Any takers, no?  this film may have been superb, but it is about as white trash as a movie can possibly get…  except the movie “you’ve got served”, no film can touch that trash.  I seriously felt dirty after seeing this, hence the sponge bath request.  You see how gritty and disgusting the life of a prostitute can be, and it may be a problem for certain people.  It isn’t a film I’d be likely to watch again because of how depressing it can be, instead I’ll watch Charlize in “the Italian Job” where it’s fun and chipper, and Christina in “The Adam’s Family” where she’s….. Still creepy.

The Ugly:  The ugly truth for this movie actually is ugly, and disgusting.  It is a wonderful movie that paints (to my knowledge) a fairly accurate portrait of how abuse at a young age, if not treated, can really harm a person’s perception of reality later on in life.  This is an excellent film that needs to be experienced at least once, then after that you should probably shower and then put on a Disney film or something.

3 out of 5