We Need To Talk About Kevin

Born from the butt-crack of Hell, Kevin is the sadistic child who was EMO before it became a trendy behavior.  When Kevin was born, he was one of those babies who cried all the time, and i'm not talking about the typical baby who cries nonstop in a cute way, Kevin literally cried ALL THE TIME.  Since birth Kevin has been consistently making life horrible for his mother, who despite her sons actions, tries her hardest to love him.  Kevin would even go so far as to refuse using the toilet until he was seven years old so his mother can continually change him, and once the diaper was changed he would soil himself immediately just to spite her.  As Kevin grew older his evil actions got even worse, and the climax at the end is almost too shocking for words.

The Good:
Before I even saw this film I kept on reading the rave reviews it had received, especially about the acting of Tilda Swinton, who plays the depressed mom.  There were so many rave reviews about her that I was about to go insane and start chewing on the walls, but after I beheld her acting I became a believer, just like the Monkee's song.  Her acting is SOO good in this movie that you can't help being depressed with her throughout the film, and you're cheering her on when she disciplines her son.  As far as Horror goes, It's not a supernatural Horror film about a demonic child like "Omen", but it's supposed to be based in real life, which makes this film creepier.

The Bad:

Remember when I said that you suffer with Tilda Swinton throughout the movie while she's raising her son?  Well i'm not exaggerating that.  There is an example of one scene where the baby literally cries for about 6-7 minutes on screen, and while he's crying you see the mothers face go through different phases of agony.  I understand why that scene was put in there, but I spent more time being annoyed as opposed to being empathetic.  Another thing you have to realize about this film is that it's a mystery that keeps you guessing what horrible act Kevin committed in the end, and because it's a mystery you know there will be plenty of flashbacks and flash-forwards throughout the family's life; if it wasn't for the changing lengths in Tilda Swinton's hair then I wouldn't know what the crap was going on.  There were so many flashbacks I thought I was going to have one of those Anime induced seizures.

The Ugly:
This film deserved all the rave reviews it received, because it's a first class thriller with a creepy story and outstanding acting from everyone.  There were parts that I thought were annoying, even though they were put there so you can feel what it's like to be in the mother's shoes, like the crying baby scene, but all in all it was a good film.  To be honest I don't know why she didn't just put the baby in front of a TV with Wiggles on, because I hear that is about as effective when it comes to sedating babies as being injected with a tranquilizer that can bring down a bull-Elephant.

3 out of 5

The Secret World of Arrietty

"Is it a bird?  Is it a Plane?" Neither of those you idiot! It's little people living like rats in the walls of our creepy house.  Living as little people in the walls of a house is like a Ginger living on the streets of Harlem, it's downright dangerous and people get shanked like crazy!  It's a hard knock life for a borrower, which is a little person who takes things from normal people that they won't need or miss.  Arrietty is one of these borrowers who's a rookie when it comes to borrowing, and because of her clumsiness she's identified by a sickly boy named Shawn.  Together these unlikely friends share an adventure that's larger than life, which if I was Shawn I'd play with Arrietty like she was my hamster, by putting her on a towel and flinging her into the air! it's a good thing I don't have pets.

The Good:
Anyone who knows me will know of my hate for the Anime genre.  Whenever I think of the word "Anime", I think of several annoying 12-year old girls photo-bombing pictures with their peace signs, and spending the rest of their day catching Pokemon with those balls.  Despite my unhappiness for the Genre, it is downright impossible for me to share that feeling with Studio Ghibli movies.  Even though this film wasn't directed by the master Hayao Miyazaki himself, it's still a very beautiful movie that was handled carefully with regards to the story, and the brightly colored artwork.  The feeling I get when watching a Ghibli movie is like the feeling I get when walking into a Chinese Buffet, because I take the food and inhale it like I'm Kirby, which not only makes my taste-buds happy, but my stomach is giddy to the utmost (unless my butt gets angry but that's a different story).  Just like PIXAR, Ghibli has an impressive track record with making one great film after another, and one of the reasons they're so good is due to the strong Character development.  The character development in Arrietty is so powerful, that by the end you think to yourself "Crap! When am I going to see these people again?!  Come back!!!! I'll make some Top-Ramen!!"  In "The Secret World of Arrietty", and every other studio Ghibli movie, what makes them stand out (for me at least) is the fact that they're not afraid to embrace the quiet moments.  In each film there is always a moment where a character encounters a time of reflection that just sucks you in like a vacuum, and connects you even more to the character and the story.  And avid Ghibli fans like those at PIXAR embrace those moments in their movies, an example would be the beginning of "UP", which is one of the most heartfelt moments in movie history.    

The Bad:
I don't know if I can say anything bad about this film, and if I was to say anything it would be that little people creep me out, except midgets, they're just awesome.  The only way to bring up bad things about "Arrietty" would be to compare it to other Ghibli films, because as an animated film in general it's better than most out there.  Much like the story-line in a Sofia Coppola film, Arrietty's story-line is EXTREMELY simple, because the events that take place are very A-B.  What makes the movie exciting is the fact that their seen through the eyes of little people, so the danger level is brought up a notch.  I can only imagine what it was like to be an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka's candy garden, sure it was exciting for everyone else, but for them I'm sure it was like the sugar rush from Hell!

The Ugly:
This is one of those Ideal family films that kids will enjoy because of the lovable characters and the story-line, and adults will like because of the artistic ability that went into it.  The character development is strong, the music is wonderful, and because of that it's an all-around Joyful film to watch.  Like I said before, this is one of those Chinese Buffets that's abundant in yummy/greasy... minus the food Poisoning!

5 out of 5

This Means War

Just when you thought the girl who eats Reese's Pieces with her spoon was gone, there came this sudden light from the butt-crack of the new chick-flick era dominated by Katherine Heigel, and what a light it is.  in order to make her hot boyfriend incredibly jealous she creates a profile on the risque version of E-Harmony, and contacts a dude that turns out to be an assassin.  All is well until the assassin's "partner-in-killing", named Captain Kirk, decides he wants a piece of the Reese.  So the two men duke it out by using their spy techniques to undermine each other, and get the girl they think they love.

The Good:
Much like the classic taste of Reese's Pieces candy, this movie reminded me of why I like Reese Witherspoon so much.  Her charming smile, her blonde hair, her perfect teeth, and her semi-annoying expressions make me feel as welcome and comfortable like when i'm wrapped in a warm hospital blanket.  Reese Witherspoon usually dominates any movie she's in, but when put next to the two twitterpated assassins you hardly notice her, because everything the guys do is either action packed to the ying-yang, or down right hilarious.  This is definitely one of those underrated movies that didn't get the recognition it deserved at the box office, but hopefully now that it's coming out on DVD people can give it a chance, because it's as sure to please as a Grilled Stuffed Burrito is sure to mess with your bowls.

The Bad:
I am one of those brothers out there who isn't afraid to admit that I like chick-flicks, even though I close the blinds when turning on "Valentines Day" or something like it.  I, however, am not the rest of the male population, and funnily enough  not a lot of guys think to themselves "Hey!  Lets bring our masculinity down a level, and watch a Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movie as a bunch of sensitive bro's!"  The best way to get most guys to love a chick-flick is to throw in a lot of explosions, guns, girls, and a good Highway Chase scene.  While "This Means War" is fairly decent about delivering the "manly" goods, there will be some out there who feel that there could have been more; that it wasn't manly enough for them to swallow their pride completely.

The Ugly:
For those who are fans of the suave dude from "Inception", Chris Pine, or peanut butter filled chocolate delicacies, then "This Means War" is the heart-throbbing Romantic/Action/Comedy you've been waiting for.  What it may lack in constant battle scenes is made up for in slap-stick comedy, beautifully choreographed make-out sequences, and a lot of heart.  Prepare to have yourself Witherspooned once again!!

5 out of 5

The Moth Diaries (2012) - Official Trailer [HD]

If there is anything that creeps me out the most in a Horror films it's Creepy Faces!!  Watch this trailer about a Vampire with the creepiest face that resembles that of a doll's, at the same time dressed up in a funky skirt.   She kind of reminds me of some people I know, only they don't suck my blood if I push the wrong buttons unless it's a Tuesday.

Chronicle

Look what you did Blair Witch!!!  Ever since the success of "The Blair Witch Project", Hollywood has been obsessed with making low-budget blockbusters.  Sometimes they succeed, and sometimes they fail about as bad as an ADHD kid during a game of "Go Fish".  When the politically correct group of friends named Andrew, Steve, and Matt come across a radioactive polygon, they find their hormones are going wild!  And no I'm not talking about the dirty stuff.... like playing in the mud.  They develop X-Men-ish powers and have the time of their lives, until Andrew starts going psycho on everybody.  Basically this flick is like a soap-opera with awesome special effects, and enough violence to satisfy even the craziest of loner High Schoolers with large amounts of angst.

The Good:
Just like the time I saw the first X-Men movie, "Chronicle" filled me with an abundance of pleasent day-dreams, about what I would do if I had awesome powers.  The first thing that came to my mind would be to take everything I touch and turn it into ginger, because imagine what would happen if I touched a loaf of bread!!  Usually in movies it's easy to tell who's good and who's bad, but something I admired about "Chronicle" is although Andrew eventually went nuts, you don't hate the kid, instead you pity the guy and want to find a way to help him.  The simplicity of the story-line was also refreshing, because usually in "Superhero" movies there will be a heavily detailed plot that spans a 2 hour period, but in "Chronicle" the story-line is simply what everyone else would do if we had superpowers... We would fly around, move things with our minds, party like it's 1699, and pretend to be Wonder Woman.

The Bad:
I really wanted Andrew's dad to receive some sort of punishment!  I'm not going to give anything away, but lets just say he was a grade A Jerk who needs to receive a punishment as extreme as his crimes, like spending a vacation on a cruise hosted by Rosie O' Donnell.  The only other bad thing about this non-X-Men film is the fact that it's a "Found Footage" movie.  Like I said earlier sometimes it works (see "Last Exorcism", or "Blair Witch"), and sometimes it makes you want to upchuck on the elderly couple sitting next to you, because the camera is shaking too much like it did in "Cloverfield".  Even though "Chronicle" wasn't too bad with the camera shaking all the time, you still have to admit that these "Found footage" movies are getting a little old.  If they don't quit making them soon, then there will be a lot more vomited popcorn and milk duds all over the theater floor.

The Ugly:
due to the fact that I don't usually watch "found footage" movies unless their Horror (which have their moments), I didn't go into this movie with much determination to stay awake.  As the story progressed my wife and I found it to be VERY interesting, and at times extremely entertaining.  Sure this "Superhero" movie is no "Avengers", but it does have more emotion than most big-budget hero flicks out there.

3 1/2 out of 5

Which Pan's Labyrinth poster do I like best?!!!

A very good friend of mine (lets call him g-dog) recently showed these to me, and being an obsessive Guillermo del Toro fan, these posters made my crohns twitch with happiness (followed by pain).  The first one is a freaken amazing picture of our favorite faun named Pan, and then the second one needs no explanation; Lets just say we were all thinking it.  Now that "I" think about it, what Pan's Labyrinth lacked most were a few 80s musical numbers, and pantyhoes!

and then.....

The Horror Portfolio

I'm not usually one for all these "fan made" trailers, but I stumbled upon this little diddy the other day, and I'm impressed by the fact this person made a Horror tribute that includes 64 films in only 5 minutes.  Dang girl That crazy!  It's a mix of some of the classic movies with some of the newer ones thrown in there, like "The Woman in Black".

Alright fellow nerds, HAVE AT IT!!

The Grey

Wolves!!!  At one point we thought they were cute when we saw them raise Mowgli in "Jungle Book", but this movie reveals them for what they really are, SPAWNS OF SATAN!  And with regards to Alaska, you'd think after seeing the movies "Into the Wild", "Alaska", "30 Days of Night", and "The Edge", that people would take a hint and NEVER go there.  Seriously it seems to me that anyone traveling to Alaska should be warned that their plane WILL crash, and they will either be chased by bears, wolves, or foreign vampires who have a strong case of G-I-N-G-I-V-I-T-I-S.    The story follows several oil workers whose plane crashes deep in the Alaskan wilderness (called it!), and not only do they have to find a way to keep warm, but they have to survive wolves the size of mini-coopers.  Luckily for them they have a hunter named Ottway (Neeson), who helps out the best he can.

The Good:
I always enjoy a good flick about a bunch of dudes surviving in some land that sucks the life out of you, like "Into the Wild", "The Edge", "Boys in the Hood", or any Zombie movie you can think of.  despite the fact that this movie is really intense, and has a lot of action in it, what I liked most is some of the heartfelt moments between Neeson and his friends when he's helping them with survival, or to cope with death.  Liam Neeson was such a tender-loving sweetheart in the movie, that one day I hope we're on a plane together, and that after it crashes we can recreate some of those lovely moments!  Before Liam Neeson became this HUGE action star, he was in Oscar-Winning films like "Schindler's list", and it's not like he was doing bad with himself.  All the sudden that changed, a few years ago he's become one of the most effective action stars out there.  The difference between Neeson's action films, and the action films of others is that he doesn't focus on how stylized the violence can be.  Liam Neeson's action flicks are blunt, realistic, and gritty, much like this film here.

The Bad:
Even though the trailer sells the movie like it's going to be one massive fight scene between Neeson and wolves, I just want to let you guys know that's not the case AT ALL.  There aren't really any fight scenes to begin with, unless you count wolves tearing helpless men to shreds as a fight;  So the advertising for this movie wasn't very accurate.  Maybe this stems from my utter hatred for pets, but it cracks me up when I see animals in movies have personality, I mean what is this, Twilight?  are these wolves really just a bunch of half-naked Natives running around, communicating their feelings to each other telepathically?  I'd like to think so, that'd be freaken awesome!  But seriously I'm sure all that's going through the wolves minds is a song that goes like "I'm chewing on this man, yum yum yum, he thought he could run, so dumb dumb dumb".

The Ugly:
Basically the Moral of this story is that planes are attracted to the ground when traveling over Alaska, which usually ends up in a crash, much like eating a king-size Toblerone only to realize that the fat is leasing out an apartment right in your love handles.  To me this is the king of all survival movies, and has to be one of the better DVD releases of the year, so if you're a fan of Alaska, Wolves, Neeson, and snow-covered beards, then this is the movie for you!

5 out of 5

One for the Money

Down on her luck and money, the sexy Kathrine Heigel has hit rock bottom when she literally fell on some rocks and hurt her bottom.  In this not so funny (and unofficial) sequel to the great flop that is "Bounty Hunter", our favorite hot person from "Grey's Anatomy" (which I've never seen) attempts to pick herself back up by becoming a bounty hunter.  To her misfortune the first person that she has to bring in is a man who looks like he's been applying "Mad Men" to his life, so you know that it's only a matter of time before she thinks to herself.  "dang he fine!  I'ma going to threaten him with this gun, and tell him he has the right to remain sexy."  I'm assuming that's what she would say if she was taking voice lessons from Tyler Perry.  The trouble is once she starts attempting to bring him in, she realizes that he's actually the victim of something crazy!

The Good:
Right alongside with Julia Robert's laugh, Jon Hamm's chizzled chin, or Amy Adams' chipmunk squeak, Katherine Heigl's face seems to suck in all the focus, making even the crappiest of movies half decent.  Imagine if you were to put all of those actor's attributes into one person!  Now that would definitely be Hollywood's greatest creation, and they're probably working on her right now.  Basically I'm saying that I wasn't too attached to the movie, but if it wasn't for Katherine's charming acting/face then I probably wouldn't have finished it in the first place;  I would have instead picked up one of the Twilight books with a bucket of mint-chocolate chip ice-cream in my hands.

The Bad:
What is this movie, a 13-year old High Schooler?!  It makes it hard for the viewer to watch a film, when even the film doesn't know what it wants to be.  When it started out, my wife and I were about as giddy as Slumdog Millionaire after he gets the girl, because we knew we were getting a Romantic Comedy we can both enjoy, but sadly that wasn't the case.  about 30 minutes into the film, it takes a major change and turns into a movie that tries to be a light-hearted version of "Taken".  The film was driving us crazy in our minds, because we didn't know how we should approach it!  So physically we looked relaxed on the couch, but internally we were shaking the TV while yelling "What do you want from me?!  Just take the money and leave us alone!!"

The Ugly:
Even though I find this flick remarkably similar to a person afflicted with D.I.D., it wasn't too bad; like I said we did finish it.  I'm just saying that unless you want to put your brain into a blender and push "Pulse", then you'll probably want to stay away from this, otherwise do what any respectable brother would do and start reading Twilight.

1 1/2 out of 5

Can you survive a Horror film?

I've come to feel that through my obsession with the Horror genre, I would have an advantage in surviving a horrific encounter better than your average billy-bob.  Whether it's a serial killer with a hockey mask, a cannibalistic psychiatrist, being in a dark room with Michael Jackson, or Hide and seek with Kobe Bryant, I feel like i'd be fine.  Needless to say this Chart made me swallow my pride, and not underestimate a horrific situation.

Julia's Eyes

Blind People are creepy again!!  When you see a blind person give off a horrified expression, then you know that there is going to be some supernatural crap going down, like a bathroom break after partaking of ghost meat.  When Julia's sister is found hanging in a room, she decides to investigate the situation because there were no signs leading to her suicide.  So Julia puts her "Law and Order" cap on to prove that someone killed her sister, and if things couldn't get any worse Julia's sight is deteriorating, and will soon be completely blind.  She couldn't be in a worse position to go looking for a killer!! It's like a girl being admitted into a prison full of men.


The Good:
Del Toro you've done it again you old hunk of Spanish goodness!!  Knowing that the Renassiance-man-of-Horror had a hand in the making of this movie, it let me know that i'm in  for a Horror film with a creepy atmosphere.  Also, the people who were in charge of advertising for this movie deserve a scooby snack, because the Trailer for the film is alsmost completely different from what you'll be seeing on screen.  Vague advertising is good, because it'll make the movie that much bigger of a suprise, like going to a Red Lobster for the first time, and learning that they give you an unlimited amount of biscuits to accompany your meal.  Story-wise it's a breathe of fresh air, because (and I may be wrong about this), there aren't very many blind heroins out there, and the fact that Julia is trying to investigate a murder WHILE SHE'S BLIND makes it that much creeper to watch.  It must be pointed out that Belen Rueda is an AMAZING actress in this film (especially in "The Orphanage"), because as an actress no one pulls off the "Holy Crap I'm gonna Die" look better than her.

The Bad:
I don't mean to come off as sexist, but sometimes subtitles drive me insane!! (wait how is that sexist?).  For me it's like taking notes in Anatomy Class, because i'll try to read the subtitles quickly enough so I can see whats going on with the rest of the movie, but sometimes they speak too much too quick that I miss what beautiful pictures are being shown to me.  So when my teacher wants us to write down a bunch of notes, I end up missing all the pictures of people with STDs when talking about the reproductive system... it's just not meant to be like that.

The Ugly:
For a lot of people subtitles seem to be the deciding point on whether they'll be watching a certain movie or not, and sometimes it's understandable, but when it comes to viewing Del Toro movies like "Orphanage", "Pans Labyrinth" or "Julia's Eyes", it's best to suck it up because then you'll realize what treasures they can be.  "Julia's Eyes" in particular isn't on the same mantel as "Pan's Labyrinth", but on it's own it's a very effective thriller with an unsettling atmosphere, and it's all thanks to blind people and some of the creepy expressions they give off.

3 1/2 out of 5

The Vow

This movie proves that I have a heart as soft as a baby bunny, until his feet are processed into lucky key-chains.  "The Vow" is a True Story about a lovely young couple (played by VERY sexy people), who after going through the dating process and being married, end up having life crash on them in a tragic way, like when the McRib sandwich leaves McDonalds, or like the time we found out Snooki was pregnant.   Because Paige and Leo parked in the middle of a street, it was only a matter of time before a trucker, who was listening to Selena Gomez too loud, would rear-end them.  As a result Leo was injured, and Paige suffered Severe memory loss, and no it's not as cute as "50 First Dates."  Because Paige can't remember Leo at all, it's up to him to get Paige to love him again and secure their marriage.  

The Good:
I didn't full out ball when watching this movie like it did at the end of "Titanic", "What Dreams May Come", "Grave of the Fireflies", and "Scary Movie 3", but my eyes did get watery almost as if I had been chopping up onions all day.  This was a lovely movie that doesn't have a horrible ending like most Nicholas Sparks stories do, and i'm not ruining the movie when I say that, because on the poster it says "Based on the Incredible True Story"; you would know if the ending was going to suck if it said "Based on the crappy heart-wrenching True Story".  Rachel McAdams is a beautiful babe-of-a-woman who is notorious for being able to tackle any kind of role handed to her, but the most pleasant acting surprise of the movie was the remarkably chizzled CHANNING TATUM!  His acting was surprisingly good! and I don't know if any of you guys noticed, but he's become a lot funnier in his later films.  Even though he was good, it makes me sad that his acting skills have improved,  because now I can't refer to him as the actor who flushed his career down the pooper when he stared in the sequel to "Glitter", aka "G.I. Joe".

The Bad:
Stress! Stress! Stress!  There were some parts of this flick that gave me so much stress that not only did I get a crohnsy flare-up in my buttocks, but the amount of gray hair on my head tripled!  I swear by the end of the week I'm going to look like Richard Gere, minus the sex-appeal.  in the film's defense it doesn't try to hide the fact that it's a stressful movie, and if anything it promotes Stress like it's one of the main characters.  So if you think your going to get a cute Meg Ryan-type chick flick, then you're going to be sorely disappointed, like when I found out Michael Jackson wasn't a white female.  

The Ugly:
The Ugly truth about this film is that it's anything but ugly, as a matter of fact it's sexy!  Rachel McAdams and Channing are so DARN good looking that I would totally keep them locked in the closet, and wrapped in plastic-wrap so they always stay fresh... Maybe I should stop taking pointers from Dr. Lecter's Autobiography.  But in all seriousness this is a very Romantic love story, and it keeps you at the edge of your seat hoping that everything will be alright for them in the end.  Realistically,  guys will be at the edge of their seats dreaming about taking Rachel McAdams to get a McRib at Mcdonalds (that's a lot of Mcs), and the girls will be coo-coo for coco puffs over Channing's well defined six-pack.

4 out of 5

The Avengers

HULK SMASH!!!  Seeing this film was an absolute delight, and that's coming from a guy who can honestly care less about superheros who dress like a bunch of D&D nerds.  This film (much like the Expendables) reaks of Testosterone filled awesomeness, and just when you thought there couldn't be anymore awesomeness, it kept coming.   I have to tell ya even though I enjoyed this flick to the utmost, It broke my heart to see a bunch of people dressing up for the movie.  After my brother and I came out of the matinee showing, it was to our horror when we saw a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite-type people dressed up as Thor, and acting just like him.  Although they are having fun, they just made the idea of making out with a hot girl a VERY DISTANT THOUGHT!  Maybe they'll run into a manly woman who also enjoys dressing up as Thor, but it makes me cringe to think of what those make-out sessions would look like...  The story picks up where each individual avenger movie left off.  Thor's douche-bag of a brother decides to befriend ET's relatives, and take over planet earth (I guess ET hated our planet more than we all thought).  And that is when America's favorite black pirate "Dark Fury" gathers all these super heroes together, because they are the earth's only hope.  The Result of all these heroes being together is one AMAZING battle scene that takes place in the ending, which is like porn for these hero loving nerds, or like the Food Network for me on a good day.  
This was a very fun movie to watch, and it makes me think of who my superhero team would include.  It would be as follows:  Jason, Freddy, Alien, Predator, Hannibal, the rabbit from Donnie Darko, and the Woman in black...  That actually sounds like a horrible idea.

5 out of 5

The Raven

It's not every day when your chick-flick loven wife says "Lets go see a Horror movie this weekend!"  After I soiled myself, I went to go change my pants and said "Lets go babe!"  Then I kissed her in the same fashion the people in "Gone with the Wind" do.
The death of Edgar Allan Poe is a huge mystery among English teachers, Gothic nerds, Horror lovers, and British people  all around, and this movie is an attempt to explain the "unusual circumstances" that led to his death.  Played by John Cusack, Edgar is going through a midlife crisis because he feels all his creativity is washed up, and he didn't have enough money to afford a Mercedes so there was no possible way to fill that gap.  Things start to change for Poe when people start dying in the same manner that characters died  in his poems, making him a valuable asset to the police in capturing the little squirt.  This may not have been the greatest movie ever made, but the premise is cool enough that everything else doesn't matter.  It was cute to see my wife watch this movie because she spent the whole time pointing out which one of Edgar's poems were being depicted by the killer, and it was especially cute when the answer was obvious, like the "pit and the pendulum."  One thing I must point out is how Ironic it is that the movie is called the Raven, when ravens are constantly dying throughout the film!  I swear those are the stupidest birds of all time, because they're always putting themselves into positions of getting shot, trampled, or choked by an 8-year old ginger.  You'd think they'd learn from trial-and-error how to survive better, but instead it's like what Forrest Gump once said, "Stupid is as stupid does."  The movie has definitely reaffirmed my belief that the raven is the depressed suicidal creature of the bird world.  Regardless of my hatred for that bird, what would have made the movie even better was if the bad guy was literally a Raven!  Wouldn't that be cool?  A human/raven man who is too fat to fly but can perch on furniture, squawking nonstop... What was in that cereal?

3 1/2 out of 5

The Muppets

"Everything is great, everything is grand, I've got the whole wide world in the palm of my.." CRAP!!  You know that when you have a song in your head and it won't leave, it's either very catchy like a Katy Perry song, or it's about as deadly as getting hit with Rebecca Black's "Friday", which inevitably makes all future Fridays the worst day of the week.  Even though I've never actually seen the famous "Muppet Show" (put that knife down), I did grow up watching "Muppets take Manhattan" and "Muppet Babies"  during the better part of my childhood.  But that was last week, and now i'm hungry for something fresh, like the way Subway makes their sandwiches.  Being a huge fan of the Muppet movies, I can honestly say that this is the funniest one so far, and that includes being better than the original.  What makes this one so knee-slapping funny is mostly due to the writing abilities of Jason Segel, and for the musical talent of Flight of the Concord's Bret Mckenzie.  Bringing the wittiness of "How I Met Your Mother" and the "Flight Of The Concords" to the Muppets had to be one of the smoothest moves in movie making history, the only thing that comes close is Mariah Carey's performance in "Glitter".
Walter is Jason Segel's Muppet of a brother, and is "The Muppets" biggest fan, so when the chance came to visit the set of the "Muppet Show" HE TOOK IT!  It was to his muppet sadness when he found out that someone wants to replace it with an oil plant, and so in order to save the studio he has to get the whole Motley Crue back together for another production of "Sweeney Todd" and "CHICAGO".
This was a fun show, and it was good to see puppeteers put their hands up the Muppet's butts to make wholesome family comedy once again.  So go enjoy this movie, and don't be one of those losers that think the movie is a political statement against oil.  Those people obviously need to settle down and get an enema every once in an hour.

5 out of 5