Dark Water

Overview:  Water flows constintly in this run-down-i'd-rather-live-in-Harlem kind of neighborhood, and it isn't the good kind of water, this is the kind of H2O someone would expect to see at the bottom of a portapotty (man that's disgusting imagery).  Because of her douchie Jersey-shore ex-husband, Dahlia and her unnaturally happy daughter move to the previously mentioned crapptacular place in hopes to make a new start.  But the longer they stay at the apartment they begin to realize that the people living above them either suck at fixing an overflowing toilet, or they are disgusting horders that role in their own filth.

The Good:  I like Jennifer Connelly, and not the "I wish I took her to MacDonald's" kind of nice, but more like the "We have a secret handshake that's full of gangster symbols" type.  When watching the "Dark Water" trailer I was again deceived because the trailer made it look like the storyline was vast and complex, but to my delight (which is very simular to finding a twinkie and $5 on the ground in one day) the story was suprisingly simple and easy to follow.   You knew that there was going to be a twist at the end, but at least this one you can guess your way through.  May it also be known that I am a fan of dark liquid substances (mostly blood) coming out of the walls in movies, I don't know why but it reminds me of having pancakes for dinner.

The Bad:  The movie isn't joking around when it says that "Water" is it's key ingrediant, IT'S EVERYWHERE!!  After the movie was over C and I said to each other "I feel soaking wet and dirty", and then I proceeded to fill my tub with hand sanitizer and basked in it's cleansing powers.  Although this was a cute and fun little movie to watch, it was a little VERY anti-climatic.  I don't know how many Japanese Horror remakes Hollywood is going to do, but I think it's about time to call it quits, because it looks like they're trying to make another "Ring", but that obviously failed when they tried "Ring 2".  Now if they were to do a sequel to this movie I would definitly have a helping hand in coming up with a title, and it would be called "Dark Toilet Water" rated NC-17 for crohnsy effects!! I know that's a little weird to say, but there was a part of me that demanded it.

The Ugly:  I would go see this, but if you have hopes for it to be the next "Ring" movie then you might as well stick your head in the oven and turn it on 400, because "The Ring" movies are over!

2 out of 5 

The Dilemma

Overview:  Ronny and James are the best of friends, and both have landed relationships with babes, or did they?  Ronny had the unfortunate experince of seeing James' wife cheating on him with a G. I. Joe, and because he doesn't want to discourage him during their huge deal with a car company, he keeps it a secret about as awkwardly as a 6-year old red head who had just stolen a snickers bar from a Marathon station.

The Good:  C and I were pleasently suprised how good this movie was.  I haven't broken the truth to many people that their spouses are cheating on them, but according to Vince Vaughn it's quite the crappy position to be in.  Winona Ryder has finally dropped the "I'm shoplifting for my hubbie Edward Scissorhands" mojo, and has now turned into the unlovable tramp we always knew she would.  Channing Tatum went back to his stripper roots in order to do a really good job being a white-trash home-wrecker, and I don't fully know the reasons why I like this man, especially since he was in that piece of crap also called "G.I. Joe", but I have a great feeling that he'll be the next Rock/Schwarzenegger.  Vince Vaughn delivers a good role once again, and although it isn't as funny as all of his crashing in "Wedding Crashers", he did a good enough job that I would take him to get unlimited bread-sticks at Olive Garden.

The Bad:  It's not that I don't like overweight comedians, because Chris Farley and I used to be tight, and I've always been a fan of Kevin James on "King of Queens".  For some reason Kevin James dances in every movie, which as far as i'm concerned started with "Hitch", but now it's starting to get old.  Now whenever I see him dance (which he does a lot in this movie), I want to revisit my days preparing for a colonoscopy where poop and upchucking comes like Niagara falls.  Jennifer Connelly for some reason falls short in this movie, it might be because it's mostly centered around Vince and Kevin and Winona's flusie ways, so it seems  that Connelly doesn't have much to contribute.  The biggest problem this movie had was it's marketing.  C and I were always confused when we saw the trailer for this because it looked like it was trying to be the next "Dumb and Dumber", and then we realized it was a drama film with only a handful of laughs; we were mislead like we were with O. J. Simpson's book.

The Ugly:  Don't go see this movie thinking that it's going to be the next "Dumb and Dumber", because that will ruin everything for you.  This was a great drama-filled flick that kept C and I interested all the way through.

3 out of 5