Top Ten Movies about Parenthood #7

Dear Frankie

Do you guys remember that guy called Gerard Butler? Yeah, the one who stared in several indie films and played Dracula in Dracula 2000?  Well this is him in his pre-heart-throb days, or you can say that this was the movie that began that painful chain of events.  The movie takes place in Scotland (Ga-der) where a single mom is mysteriously running from her abusive husband all across Scotland, dragging her young/def son named Frankie along with her.  Now while this lovely bunch of Scottish trash are running around, Frankie is under the impression that the reason why they're traveling so much is because they want to be around for when the father's boat docks, and the mom is feeding him these lies by pretending to be the father and sending him letters about his voyage, but don't worry, nothing could ever happen because the mother made up a fake name for the boat so that Frankie wouldn't question anything.  Well look what happened! The boat with that same fake name showed up and now she has to hire someone to pretend to be the father for the day that the boat is docked in the town (Datline's To Catch a Predator anyone?), and who better than Mr-Heart-throb-I-want-to-bake-eggs-on-your-chest Gerard Butler?!!!  I'm not going to say what happens next, but let me just tell you that this part of the movie will make a brother cry about as much as that time I was eating a lasagna filled with too much onions and watching Schindler's List at the same time.  What makes this an important parenting film for me is that although it appears the mother is just going crazy moving all the time and lying to her son about the father, they are lies that are only meant to protect her son, now I'm sure some of you would raise ethical questions that lying is never good, but by watching the movie and understanding the reasons why they are always on the run, things will make a little more sense.

 4 out of 5

Beautiful Creatures

Do you all remember that time when Justin Bieber got pregnant and gave birth to a wonderful bunch of little girls known as the band One Direction?  Well, it seems like the same thing has happened to the Twilight Franchise, because when that series ended it gave birth to a butt load of other supernatural romance stories, and one of its offspring is the “Beautiful Creatures”.  And now, because vampires, witches, and werewolves have been used, the next supernatural love story will have to be between a high schooler and Bigfoot… but Hollywood will never produce that movie because it would look too much like a pedophile stalking a minor.  Now despite the fact that I’m not the movies target demographic (12-yr old girls and boys experiencing infatuation for the first time) I found this movie to be quite enjoyable.  It had a wonderful cast including Academy Award winner Jeremy Irons, who still sounds like he’s been smoking a regular 8-packs a day, and the two newcomers who play the lovebirds being twitter-pated with each other.  To be honest I don’t think that this movie will get a sequel or become the next twilight saga, based on how little I've heard of this book before the movie, but standing on its own it’s a pleasant experience that will play with the hearts of all 12-year old girls around the world.

3 out of 5

Blue Valentine

Overview:  Dean and Cindy's relationship has come a long way with lots of ups and downs since the first moment they met.  Now that they have a kid, they find their marriage deteriorating, probably because Dean knew Cindy was once married to a gay cowboy, and Cindy found out that Dean stared in the notebook.  In order to put the spark back in the marriage they decide to go out on a date where they decide to make sweet sweet... marriage saving memories together; what were you thinking?

Did I like this, or did it make me vomit?  First of all this movie is sad!  I'm not going to give the ending away, but this is a bittersweet movie that I liken unto a bag of "Warhead" candies in that the movie is brutal and it makes me not want to take a bath, but then by the end it turns sweet and I start asking myself important moral "soul searching" questions.

4 out of 5 

The Time Traveler's Wife

Overview:  Life sorta sucks for Henry DeTamble, because at any random moment his body can disappear like Nicole Richie and land anywhere in time.  Time travel for Henry is basically a curse, and not in the way that we hear it in other movies where the curse is actually something freakishly awesome! No in this movie the curse is actually a "my-life-will-forever-suck-and-I-might-as-well-be-paralyzed-from-the-waist-down" kind of thing.  To make things a bit more complicated he woo's and (SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT) gets married to a girl named Clare Abshire, and during the young married couple find ways to deal with his problem.  Speaking of SPOILER ALERT you know that they get married because it's in the title, ga-der!!

The Good:  Nothing beats a good tearjerker after spending an entire day at school about an hour away.  Sometimes when I get back from school after a stressful day all I want to do is lay down on the couch with the blinds down and a bucket of ice-cream in my hands while a sappy romantic movie tries to touch my heart in weird places.  Eric Bana (to me) is the perfect idea of a MAN, because this guy has done everything from "The Hulk" to "Munich" and then this little diddy that's sure to make even the manliest of men question their testosterone levels.  Rachel McAdams does terrific as always, and she doesn't even need Ryan Gosling or his strategically placed flock of flamboyant delicious-looking geese.  It seems that no matter what role she's given, Rachel will tackle it with flying colors, she's like the chick version of Justin Timberlake.


The Bad:  Oh Nicholas Sparks, you sure do know how to make sappy romances look hopeful, until they fall to the butt-crack of the earth like a pile of bricks... but (sadly) to my surprise I found out that this was not one of his stories, although I could have sworn it was due to all the sad/tragic/happy story-line coming my way.  I know that it was the "sadness" of this movie that made it so appealing to watch, but i'm suddenly in the mood for the cliche chick-flick where nothing goes wrong and everything ends up happy in the end with a make-out scene on the Golden Gate Bridge.

The Ugly:  Eric Bana is definitely one of the manliest men alive, and Rachel McAdams is one of the chickiest of chicks out there as well.  Although this movie reeks tremendously of a Nicholas Sparks fart, it turns out that it's not one of his movies and it's actually pretty engaging.

3 1/2 out of 5

Red Riding Hood

Overview:  The small village of Daggerhorn has more wrong with it than just the name, it's also plagued by a Werewolf that kills at random, and shortens their bacon supply by killing the pigs left by the town as a sacrefice. Life in the town is hard for Valerie as she STRUGGLES with being pretty, ironically having plenty of make-up for such a primeval town, and juggling relationships with two boys who look as if they've been living with the Cullens for a while... Or the lead singer from HIM.   Soon the Priest from Hell arrives in town with a job to get rid of Old Yeller, but this can prove to be difficult since anyone in town could be the wolf!  It's most likely the kid who exploded with facial hair at the ripe old age of 12.

The Good:  I don't know who was in charge of the set designs in this movie, but not only does that man deserve a raise, he also deserves an all-you-can-eat dinner-buffet at Golden Correl, my treat.  As cheesy as it may have looked, the trees in the forest looked brutal.  Not only did they have thorns on them, but they were the size of a Prius!  The Wolf was pretty cool as well, there were times during the film that I wanted to insert myself into the storyline and pet the overly-peeved-off dog to my hearts content; at the same time yelling "Poofy Dish!"  Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the wolf just wanted to be petted and whispered sweet nothings in it's ear? Aside from the fact that this movie is cheesy enough to fill a deep-dish pizza, it actually had some decent twists in it.

The Bad:  "So kids, did you finish the script i've been asking about?"
"Yes Mr. Tibbs we hope you like it, we drawered the pictures myselves as well."
"Well time will tell you little writers you... (roughly 2 hours later)... Get out of my classroom right now, and don't forget to slam your head into the door on the way out."
"But Mr. Tib..."-
-"Silence! I'll never watch movies the same way again, and you may have increased my desire to walk myself into oncoming traffic. Now be gone, before I give you crohns."
That is the best way for me to describe this precious work of art.  Being a fan of scary movies I had high hopes for this one, but alas they were shattered once again, much like my reaction in finding out lady gaga's a woman.  First of all it's as cheesy as an episode of "Barney" mixed with "Days of our lives", and to top all that it's like the director took all that was bad about the "Twilight Saga" and applied it to this dump as well.

The Ugly:  Unless you lose all confidence in life, I'd prefer not watching this film.  There were times that it looked amazing, and the designs were quite pleasant to look at, but even the designer dude could not save this movie from it'self.  Go ahead and watch it, then shove your head in the oven.

0 out of 5