Beastly

Overview:  Oh teenage puppy love, how disgusting it is.  Kyle is a filthy rich guy that gets away with his fame and his looks without ever having to lift a finger; he always he gets what he wants.  Like an idiot he made the decision to peeve off the wrong witch (aka, one of the crack head Olsen twins), and ever since he rubbed that lamp the wrong way, he was cursed to look like “The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo”.  He’ll continue to look like a drag queen until he can get someone to love him for who he is, which honestly shouldn’t be that difficult. All he has to do is present himself in a dark alleyway and the gothic chicks will be all over him.

The Good:  There are some very good plot points in the movie, and the story is simple enough that a goldfish can understand it.  Despite being ubber cheesy, there was actually some good acting going on, particularly (and I’m going to shoot myself in the crohns for saying this) from Vanessa Hudgens, and Alex Pettyfer, the selfish hunk from “I am Number Four”.  The best part of this movie would be my dear friend Neil Patrick Harris, who plays as Kyle‘s blind tutor, and he plays him with the sweet pickled relish.  It’s as if Mr Harris knows how embarrassing this movie can get, and so he spends a vast majority of his time on screen laughing at it.  Maybe it’s the 12-yearold red-headed stepchild within me, but I’m a sucker for (SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT) happy endings, and this movie provides… unlike the crappy service that COMCAST gives.

The Bad:  Mary-Kate Olsen.  Every time she was on screen I wanted to jump across the theater room and punch the living daylights out of her… wow that sounded violent… um, I wanted burn my copy of “Billboard Dad”.  Her hair was ridonculious!  It was as if Lady Gaga and Snookie had a yard sale, and Mary Kate had first dibs on the poofy wigs.  The one last thing that almost killed me can’t be helped, and that was the teenage romance.  I am under the impression that (leaving rich people aside) there is nothing worse than watching teenagers date and fall in love in a movie, because it can get SO awkward that you would assume you’re watching a Horror movie.

The Ugly:  It may sound sorta like I didn’t enjoy this movie, but the truth is I was probably more into it then C was; I can still have myself a painful good time.  I definitly think all teenagers should see this movie, and take notes, because this is like the ideal teenage-romantic movie.

2 ½ out of 5

Sucker Punch

Overview: following a family disaster, Babyspice... I mean Babydoll, is admitted into an insane asylum by her abusive stepfather.  Once in the asylum, which is more like a "Burlesque" gathering, Babydoll gathers with four other hotties and make an effort to escape.  Somewhere along the ride they all fight dragons, robots, and unnaturally large samurai.

The Good:  Well first of all this movie has some kick butt action all throughout.  Even though about 80% of the time it's silly, Zack Snyder does know how to make an impressive action/adventure movie.  The Symbolism was really impressive whenever the girls transport themselves into their fantasy worlds, because it's more than a goal to escape the asylum, it's a way for them to make the best of a bad situation.  I know darn well that many people (dudes) went to see this for the chance to view some scantly-clad women, but the thing is the acting wasn't half bad.  It wasn't the greatest acting ever, but I went into this flick expecting it to be a lot worse, like it was made by Bob Saget.

The Bad:  The unrealistic feeling you get in this movie is delicious.  I love how the entire story is based in an asylum, and yet all the attendants are super-hot supermodels!  If that was the case in real life, then you would see a lot more pervy men diagnose themselves as crazy just so they can be admitted.  The transitioning between the dances and the dream sequences was a little rough.  Now I know Zack Snyder is great with visuals and making things flow nicely, but once the girls started dreaming amidst their dances I was like "Girl say what?!"  Although this movie was sold as an action packed chick-fest, all those fantasy/action scenes could have been left out and the movie would have made a bit more sense.

The Ugly:  Doesn't matter if it was silly, I still enjoyed watching this.  It may be a combination of "The Watchmen" and "Victoria's Secret", but the action was very impressive all throughout.  The best way to enjoy this movie (if you haven't seen it in the theater) is to grab the biggest big screen TV you can find, then let this movie shatter your mind and transport you to what looks like a not-so-bad insane asylum.

2 1/2 out of 5