Top Ten Movies about Parenthood #6

Kick-Ass

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be considered a Super Hero?  NOT ME!  I am one of those wussys who runs to the frozen food section of a store when there's trouble, or screams in pain and agony before my heel even touches the pointy lego.  Apparently that didnt matter for ---, becuase even though he had about as many super powers as Michael Jackson had real noses, that didn't stop him from opening up a can of whoop-A on a couple gangsters.  So it should be no surprise that our friend got his @$$ kicked, but he wunt alone for long!  Along side our hero was a couple masked crusaders called Hit-Girl and her dad, rightfully called Big Daddy, and this is where the worlds greatest parenting comes into play.  Hit-Girl is a young middle-school aged youth with the cuteness of a lost puppy and the potty mouth of a Mel Gibson voice-mail.  The sad part is Hit Girl isn't 100% to blame for her behavior, instead it's her father.  Her father (Big Daddy) was a cop was bent on revenge after being wrongfully thrown into prison, and so in order to get back at his enemies he became a vigilante who looks more like Batman's awkward cousin, and he trained his daughter by teaching her karate and having her take voice lessons from the Insane Clown Posse.  This is TERRIBLE parenting!  It reminds me of when I was at work yesterday and my boss told me he witnessed a father teaching his son to use the word "Gay" as an appropriate response to anything he doesn't like.  Just when my faith in humanity is restored by acts of kindness like someone opening the door for me, or when my wife treats me to a $5 Hot-N-Ready, I see stuff like the douche of a parent at my work.  This movie is a lot like that parent I saw at work, and is one of the ones on my list that is a perfect example of what NOT to do, which is to turn your daughter into a potty-mouthed Sociopath!

3 1/2 out of 5

Season of the Witch

Overview:  Realizing that the Crusades weren't such a good thing (ga-der!), Behmen and Hellboy decide to desert the murderous crusade and... walk a lot?  Eventually they're caught by some ugly UGLY peasants and will receive amnesty from the church in exchange for some otter-pops and a risky errand.  The task is to transport a suspected witch to a remote Cathedral to be accused... it could be that she isn't a witch, and maybe she was just having a series of disputes with her BFFs at school.  While transporting the girl our two heroes begin to wonder if she really is a witch, especially since she speaks in tongues (most likely from Spanish 101), can drop her voice like a beautiful sounding bass instrument, and she basically tries to kill them multiple times... THAT WITCH!!

The Good:  When I saw the trailer for this movie I laughed as much as the red-headed bully from "A Christmas Story", because I knew that it was going to royally suck.  Not only did I discover that the movie was actually good, but it's actually a way better plague movie than "Black Death" was.  The Acting (to my amazement  was pretty good, especially from my boy Ron Perlman, nothing brought me more joy than seeing him go all "Hellboy" on the innocent people in the crusades... well maybe my wedding was more joyus.  Probably the biggest way the movie surprised me was how I first assumed it was another crummy "Lord of the Rings" wannabe like "In The Name of the King" was, but instead it was like a medieval version of "The Exorcist".  at times this was a legit scary movie with a great story line and excellent build up all throughout.

The Bad:  The only bad part of this movie I could find was the lack of love scenes... ha, just kidding... or am I?  The one flaw was with some of the special effects.  They are really not that bad, but that itchy/scary feeling leaves a little bit when the movie's effects become a bit too fantastical.  The other thing that made a vein in my head burst was how all the characters were in Europe, and yet none of them had accents! What the heck?  When I hear witches accused tortured and burned, I want to believe it for real! ha; dark was it not?

The Ugly:  This movie didn't do that well in the theaters, probably because everyone assumed it was just another chance for Nicolas Cage to shove his face in your bubble, and that's usually true but it's not the case with this one.  Ya'll need to give this movie a chance, because it takes Action Adventure and Horror, and it blends them together to make a fun ride.  Oh yeah, the actress ho plays the witch-girl is amazing!

4 out of 5