The Secret World of Arrietty

"Is it a bird?  Is it a Plane?" Neither of those you idiot! It's little people living like rats in the walls of our creepy house.  Living as little people in the walls of a house is like a Ginger living on the streets of Harlem, it's downright dangerous and people get shanked like crazy!  It's a hard knock life for a borrower, which is a little person who takes things from normal people that they won't need or miss.  Arrietty is one of these borrowers who's a rookie when it comes to borrowing, and because of her clumsiness she's identified by a sickly boy named Shawn.  Together these unlikely friends share an adventure that's larger than life, which if I was Shawn I'd play with Arrietty like she was my hamster, by putting her on a towel and flinging her into the air! it's a good thing I don't have pets.

The Good:
Anyone who knows me will know of my hate for the Anime genre.  Whenever I think of the word "Anime", I think of several annoying 12-year old girls photo-bombing pictures with their peace signs, and spending the rest of their day catching Pokemon with those balls.  Despite my unhappiness for the Genre, it is downright impossible for me to share that feeling with Studio Ghibli movies.  Even though this film wasn't directed by the master Hayao Miyazaki himself, it's still a very beautiful movie that was handled carefully with regards to the story, and the brightly colored artwork.  The feeling I get when watching a Ghibli movie is like the feeling I get when walking into a Chinese Buffet, because I take the food and inhale it like I'm Kirby, which not only makes my taste-buds happy, but my stomach is giddy to the utmost (unless my butt gets angry but that's a different story).  Just like PIXAR, Ghibli has an impressive track record with making one great film after another, and one of the reasons they're so good is due to the strong Character development.  The character development in Arrietty is so powerful, that by the end you think to yourself "Crap! When am I going to see these people again?!  Come back!!!! I'll make some Top-Ramen!!"  In "The Secret World of Arrietty", and every other studio Ghibli movie, what makes them stand out (for me at least) is the fact that they're not afraid to embrace the quiet moments.  In each film there is always a moment where a character encounters a time of reflection that just sucks you in like a vacuum, and connects you even more to the character and the story.  And avid Ghibli fans like those at PIXAR embrace those moments in their movies, an example would be the beginning of "UP", which is one of the most heartfelt moments in movie history.    

The Bad:
I don't know if I can say anything bad about this film, and if I was to say anything it would be that little people creep me out, except midgets, they're just awesome.  The only way to bring up bad things about "Arrietty" would be to compare it to other Ghibli films, because as an animated film in general it's better than most out there.  Much like the story-line in a Sofia Coppola film, Arrietty's story-line is EXTREMELY simple, because the events that take place are very A-B.  What makes the movie exciting is the fact that their seen through the eyes of little people, so the danger level is brought up a notch.  I can only imagine what it was like to be an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka's candy garden, sure it was exciting for everyone else, but for them I'm sure it was like the sugar rush from Hell!

The Ugly:
This is one of those Ideal family films that kids will enjoy because of the lovable characters and the story-line, and adults will like because of the artistic ability that went into it.  The character development is strong, the music is wonderful, and because of that it's an all-around Joyful film to watch.  Like I said before, this is one of those Chinese Buffets that's abundant in yummy/greasy... minus the food Poisoning!

5 out of 5

This Means War

Just when you thought the girl who eats Reese's Pieces with her spoon was gone, there came this sudden light from the butt-crack of the new chick-flick era dominated by Katherine Heigel, and what a light it is.  in order to make her hot boyfriend incredibly jealous she creates a profile on the risque version of E-Harmony, and contacts a dude that turns out to be an assassin.  All is well until the assassin's "partner-in-killing", named Captain Kirk, decides he wants a piece of the Reese.  So the two men duke it out by using their spy techniques to undermine each other, and get the girl they think they love.

The Good:
Much like the classic taste of Reese's Pieces candy, this movie reminded me of why I like Reese Witherspoon so much.  Her charming smile, her blonde hair, her perfect teeth, and her semi-annoying expressions make me feel as welcome and comfortable like when i'm wrapped in a warm hospital blanket.  Reese Witherspoon usually dominates any movie she's in, but when put next to the two twitterpated assassins you hardly notice her, because everything the guys do is either action packed to the ying-yang, or down right hilarious.  This is definitely one of those underrated movies that didn't get the recognition it deserved at the box office, but hopefully now that it's coming out on DVD people can give it a chance, because it's as sure to please as a Grilled Stuffed Burrito is sure to mess with your bowls.

The Bad:
I am one of those brothers out there who isn't afraid to admit that I like chick-flicks, even though I close the blinds when turning on "Valentines Day" or something like it.  I, however, am not the rest of the male population, and funnily enough  not a lot of guys think to themselves "Hey!  Lets bring our masculinity down a level, and watch a Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movie as a bunch of sensitive bro's!"  The best way to get most guys to love a chick-flick is to throw in a lot of explosions, guns, girls, and a good Highway Chase scene.  While "This Means War" is fairly decent about delivering the "manly" goods, there will be some out there who feel that there could have been more; that it wasn't manly enough for them to swallow their pride completely.

The Ugly:
For those who are fans of the suave dude from "Inception", Chris Pine, or peanut butter filled chocolate delicacies, then "This Means War" is the heart-throbbing Romantic/Action/Comedy you've been waiting for.  What it may lack in constant battle scenes is made up for in slap-stick comedy, beautifully choreographed make-out sequences, and a lot of heart.  Prepare to have yourself Witherspooned once again!!

5 out of 5

The Moth Diaries (2012) - Official Trailer [HD]

If there is anything that creeps me out the most in a Horror films it's Creepy Faces!!  Watch this trailer about a Vampire with the creepiest face that resembles that of a doll's, at the same time dressed up in a funky skirt.   She kind of reminds me of some people I know, only they don't suck my blood if I push the wrong buttons unless it's a Tuesday.

Chronicle

Look what you did Blair Witch!!!  Ever since the success of "The Blair Witch Project", Hollywood has been obsessed with making low-budget blockbusters.  Sometimes they succeed, and sometimes they fail about as bad as an ADHD kid during a game of "Go Fish".  When the politically correct group of friends named Andrew, Steve, and Matt come across a radioactive polygon, they find their hormones are going wild!  And no I'm not talking about the dirty stuff.... like playing in the mud.  They develop X-Men-ish powers and have the time of their lives, until Andrew starts going psycho on everybody.  Basically this flick is like a soap-opera with awesome special effects, and enough violence to satisfy even the craziest of loner High Schoolers with large amounts of angst.

The Good:
Just like the time I saw the first X-Men movie, "Chronicle" filled me with an abundance of pleasent day-dreams, about what I would do if I had awesome powers.  The first thing that came to my mind would be to take everything I touch and turn it into ginger, because imagine what would happen if I touched a loaf of bread!!  Usually in movies it's easy to tell who's good and who's bad, but something I admired about "Chronicle" is although Andrew eventually went nuts, you don't hate the kid, instead you pity the guy and want to find a way to help him.  The simplicity of the story-line was also refreshing, because usually in "Superhero" movies there will be a heavily detailed plot that spans a 2 hour period, but in "Chronicle" the story-line is simply what everyone else would do if we had superpowers... We would fly around, move things with our minds, party like it's 1699, and pretend to be Wonder Woman.

The Bad:
I really wanted Andrew's dad to receive some sort of punishment!  I'm not going to give anything away, but lets just say he was a grade A Jerk who needs to receive a punishment as extreme as his crimes, like spending a vacation on a cruise hosted by Rosie O' Donnell.  The only other bad thing about this non-X-Men film is the fact that it's a "Found Footage" movie.  Like I said earlier sometimes it works (see "Last Exorcism", or "Blair Witch"), and sometimes it makes you want to upchuck on the elderly couple sitting next to you, because the camera is shaking too much like it did in "Cloverfield".  Even though "Chronicle" wasn't too bad with the camera shaking all the time, you still have to admit that these "Found footage" movies are getting a little old.  If they don't quit making them soon, then there will be a lot more vomited popcorn and milk duds all over the theater floor.

The Ugly:
due to the fact that I don't usually watch "found footage" movies unless their Horror (which have their moments), I didn't go into this movie with much determination to stay awake.  As the story progressed my wife and I found it to be VERY interesting, and at times extremely entertaining.  Sure this "Superhero" movie is no "Avengers", but it does have more emotion than most big-budget hero flicks out there.

3 1/2 out of 5

Which Pan's Labyrinth poster do I like best?!!!

A very good friend of mine (lets call him g-dog) recently showed these to me, and being an obsessive Guillermo del Toro fan, these posters made my crohns twitch with happiness (followed by pain).  The first one is a freaken amazing picture of our favorite faun named Pan, and then the second one needs no explanation; Lets just say we were all thinking it.  Now that "I" think about it, what Pan's Labyrinth lacked most were a few 80s musical numbers, and pantyhoes!

and then.....

The Horror Portfolio

I'm not usually one for all these "fan made" trailers, but I stumbled upon this little diddy the other day, and I'm impressed by the fact this person made a Horror tribute that includes 64 films in only 5 minutes.  Dang girl That crazy!  It's a mix of some of the classic movies with some of the newer ones thrown in there, like "The Woman in Black".

Alright fellow nerds, HAVE AT IT!!

The Grey

Wolves!!!  At one point we thought they were cute when we saw them raise Mowgli in "Jungle Book", but this movie reveals them for what they really are, SPAWNS OF SATAN!  And with regards to Alaska, you'd think after seeing the movies "Into the Wild", "Alaska", "30 Days of Night", and "The Edge", that people would take a hint and NEVER go there.  Seriously it seems to me that anyone traveling to Alaska should be warned that their plane WILL crash, and they will either be chased by bears, wolves, or foreign vampires who have a strong case of G-I-N-G-I-V-I-T-I-S.    The story follows several oil workers whose plane crashes deep in the Alaskan wilderness (called it!), and not only do they have to find a way to keep warm, but they have to survive wolves the size of mini-coopers.  Luckily for them they have a hunter named Ottway (Neeson), who helps out the best he can.

The Good:
I always enjoy a good flick about a bunch of dudes surviving in some land that sucks the life out of you, like "Into the Wild", "The Edge", "Boys in the Hood", or any Zombie movie you can think of.  despite the fact that this movie is really intense, and has a lot of action in it, what I liked most is some of the heartfelt moments between Neeson and his friends when he's helping them with survival, or to cope with death.  Liam Neeson was such a tender-loving sweetheart in the movie, that one day I hope we're on a plane together, and that after it crashes we can recreate some of those lovely moments!  Before Liam Neeson became this HUGE action star, he was in Oscar-Winning films like "Schindler's list", and it's not like he was doing bad with himself.  All the sudden that changed, a few years ago he's become one of the most effective action stars out there.  The difference between Neeson's action films, and the action films of others is that he doesn't focus on how stylized the violence can be.  Liam Neeson's action flicks are blunt, realistic, and gritty, much like this film here.

The Bad:
Even though the trailer sells the movie like it's going to be one massive fight scene between Neeson and wolves, I just want to let you guys know that's not the case AT ALL.  There aren't really any fight scenes to begin with, unless you count wolves tearing helpless men to shreds as a fight;  So the advertising for this movie wasn't very accurate.  Maybe this stems from my utter hatred for pets, but it cracks me up when I see animals in movies have personality, I mean what is this, Twilight?  are these wolves really just a bunch of half-naked Natives running around, communicating their feelings to each other telepathically?  I'd like to think so, that'd be freaken awesome!  But seriously I'm sure all that's going through the wolves minds is a song that goes like "I'm chewing on this man, yum yum yum, he thought he could run, so dumb dumb dumb".

The Ugly:
Basically the Moral of this story is that planes are attracted to the ground when traveling over Alaska, which usually ends up in a crash, much like eating a king-size Toblerone only to realize that the fat is leasing out an apartment right in your love handles.  To me this is the king of all survival movies, and has to be one of the better DVD releases of the year, so if you're a fan of Alaska, Wolves, Neeson, and snow-covered beards, then this is the movie for you!

5 out of 5