The Scream Series

Wes Craven you old lug!  You sure do know how to make a hyper 24 year old giddy with your gory buckets of fun... and blood.  The way I pay tribute to this man is by having a "Ghostface" Goblet hold pencils on top of my desk, and also to hold the occasional cranberry juice.  The Problem with so many Horror movies out there (especially with "Slashers") is that they try too hard to be serious, which is why "Scream" is such a breathe of fresh morbid air because the focus of the entire series is to make a parody of itself, and laugh about how other horror movies are made.  The entire series is spooky, and each entry has a twist ending that's sure to shatter your universe, which is what every ideal horror film should have.  The best of the series is defanitly "Sream 4" due to it's trippy ending, which I will not disclose here, but to truly appreciate it you need to see the other 3 films.  Now go grab some popcorn, an extra pair of pants just in case your a wussy, and start slashing away at this slasher!

Waiting For Forever

Oh how wonderful it is when a respectable red-headed brotha can find a chick-flick that satisfies all my expectations (and MORE!), even though it wasn't a largely produced or advertised film.  By far the most stalker friendly Romantic Comedy since "Bed of Roses", this film proves to be unbearably creepy at times (or desired, depends on which side of the coin you've chosen).  It follows the story of Will Donner and his quest to win the heart from his childhood sweety. The only problem he has is... EVERYTHING!  She is the smoken (but modestly) hot girl from the Crappy "O.C." show, and he's a bum who wears PJ's all day every day.  Unlike the main character's PJ's, the movie itself is not ugly, boring, and full of pee-stains, this movie oddly succeeds in being light-hearted and fun; it made me want to  open one of those bags of "fun-dips" candies (don't ask).  There are two things you can get from this movie.
1. A huge smile on your face if you had a bad day, or are about to have one, and
2. If you're a stalker, then this movie gives you free advice on how to be more efficient at your profession.

5 out of 5

The Conspirator

Funny thing about Robert Redford is that he may be a good looking man (for his age), and he may give off that charming demeanor, but i'm pretty sure he's as boring as a senile old man doing stand-up comedy... wait that actually sounds amazing... I digress.  I was worried because Redford's movies have a tendency to be like him, dashingly well put together but as boring as a slow BM.  ALAS this movie does not fall into the rest of his pile of droppings.  It was surprisingly not that bad, and it actually reminded me of the Clint Eastwood film "Changeling" with all of courtroom scenes.
It drives me so crazy when I see movies like this and "The Majestic" where a bunch of old piggish men wearing fancy suits, and they give a person a chance to trial only so the person can have no chance of winning and eventually be executed.  I'm sure the entire time the trials in "The Conspirator" were going on, Abe was looking down (honestly) from heaven thinking to himself "what a bunch of idiots! you guys are acting like a bunch of Elementary kids arguing over toys in the sandbox!" Then shortly after saying that he got ready for his famous Geico Commercial.

3 1/2 out of 5

The Poltergeist Series

Thank goodness! A perfect example of Horror movies that can be scary without being dominated by pointless porn-scenes between a couple C-List actors who have no problem baring it all.  The story is basically the same thing we've been seeing in most other Haunting shows (aka "The Sixth Sense", "Insidious", or "The Shining"), and what I mean is the girl (who looks like an Angelic version of the Ring-nut) has special abilities that a bunch of spooky ghosts want, and they do this by turning the TV off and on, and sending questionable old men her way.  This movie does incorporate something that reminds me when to change my pants, and that's DOLLS!  It's funny because dolls aren't even the main focus in this series, but for some reason when one of the ghosts enter the little girl's room, then all the dolls heads turn... which then leads to my stomach turning, and then a good hour in the bathroom with PEOPLE magazine.

All three films are really good, and are must see's for every Horror fan.  Other than the classic first one (directed by Tobe Hopper) I found Poltergeist II to be quite enjoyable, probably because it made me want to become native... much like Kevin Costner.

4 out of 5

Dream House

I'm not going to scew ya'll the same way the trailer did by giving away almost every plot-twist, so focus on my summary and don't watch the trailer.  Will Atenton follows the ridiculous trend of quiting his high-paying job so he can settle down, write an explicit Romance novel (not really), and spend more time with his family.  WHO CARES ABOUT FAMILY!! jk.  After pulling a Chevy Chase from "Funny Farm" he learns about a killer who murdered the family that lived in the house before his, and apparently he's going to return!! Spooky-Scary!!

I think of this movie the same way I think about a delicious Little Ceaser's Pizza in the fridge that was left over from the rave the night before.  I love to eat it because it's delicious and it makes me believe that this is what God and all his Angels would be eating, but then I notice my love-handles getting bigger and I turn into Eddie Murphy in practically all his movies.  The movie did a good job in how it handled all the twists during the middle part of the movie, and that's a relief because all Horror movies (now) leave the predictable twist at the end.  The sad part is none of the movie was partculary scary, and the ending was sort of Anti-Climatic.  Can't say everything about 007, and C thought his abs were as beautiful as ever...

2 out of 5

Blue Valentine

Overview:  Dean and Cindy's relationship has come a long way with lots of ups and downs since the first moment they met.  Now that they have a kid, they find their marriage deteriorating, probably because Dean knew Cindy was once married to a gay cowboy, and Cindy found out that Dean stared in the notebook.  In order to put the spark back in the marriage they decide to go out on a date where they decide to make sweet sweet... marriage saving memories together; what were you thinking?

Did I like this, or did it make me vomit?  First of all this movie is sad!  I'm not going to give the ending away, but this is a bittersweet movie that I liken unto a bag of "Warhead" candies in that the movie is brutal and it makes me not want to take a bath, but then by the end it turns sweet and I start asking myself important moral "soul searching" questions.

4 out of 5 

Shorter Movie Reviews for a season

I am getting my learning on!  Because I'm majoring in Occupational Therapy I'm required to take the dreaded "Human Anatomy and Physiology" class.  Anyone who has taken that class before knows that it sucks the life out of you and it doesn't leave much room for anything else (aka, Movie Reviews).  For the time being reviews will be "a" short paragraph each, summarizing what I thought about said movies.