Rango

Overview:  Spending too much time in a cage can do something to lizards, and that's what happened with our buddy Rango.  Together with his bath-toy-fish Mr. Tibbs, their lives are full-blown INSANE.  After Rango lands in a bunch of crap after a car crash, he finds himself stranded in a desert, thirsty and all alone.  After walking deeper into the desert he stumbles upon what looks like the "Chipmunks" adaptation of the "True Grit" movie.  Pretty soon Rango talks himself up like the second coming of Christ and gains some respect... but will it last?

The Good:  I hope the Johnney Depp/Tim Burton marriage is ok, because it seems like he may be cheating on him with Gore Verbinski. Now I aint no Marriage counselor, but this fling with Verbinski is an affair that I can be ok with.  Rango is definityly a feast for the eyes, and you don't even need the story.  Johnney Depp dishes out his hickish non-British humor and wins the show, right alongside Depp is one of my red-haired peeps Isla Fisher, who plays one heck of a good ADHD lizard.  Practically every animated movie out there is dominated by computer, and it seems like it's getting a bit boring, but Rango provides a new twist on the genre with its combination of "Animal Farm" with "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly".  The movie was actually pretty clever at times, and it fulfilled my awkward dream of seeing a bunch of disgusting rodents talk with the hickiest of Hickerbilly accents.

The Bad:  It's not that the story of the movie was completely horrendus, but I couldn't have cared less.  The animation was original, but the storyline wasn't.  Just like any other hero story, the hero goes into a town full of animals and falls in love with an ADHD lizard... Seriously! I'm sick and tired of seeing hero's make out with other lizards.... freaks.  Now with Wolves it's OK, as we were obviously shown in "Red Riding Hood".  One last bad thing has to do with the whole "talking animals" films. They're driving me insane!  If one more movie about talking animals comes out then i'll have to do something wreckless... like mooning an entire gang of skinheads.  The only time talking-animal movies should be allowed (from now on) is if it's another "Narnia" flick, or a film about a talking Platypus.

The Ugly:  It's not the funniest, nor the most original animated movie I've ever seen, but it is very artistic.  It's a good family movie that will provide good lessons to young-bloods (kids), hickish animals for adults to laugh at, and for pet lizards who can relate to Rango's story.

2 1/2 out of 5

Jonah Hex

Overview:  “True Grit” meets “Van Helsing” in this somewhat underwhelming Western.  Jonah the Hex was a peaceful family man, until he barked up the wrong tree that is John Malkovich, as a result he looses his offspring (can’t remember if it’s a boy or girl… or both?) and his wife to a bunch of arsonist hicks; this is when he became an X-men.  Now Jonah can speak to the dead, barf crows out of his mouth, and shoot some cool guns.  Teaming up with his prostitute girlfriend (ironically played by Megan Fox), he seeks to avenge his family and protect the US of A.

The Good:  Truth be told I love Westerns, and it doesn’t take much for me to like them as long as there is sweet music, fast gun slinging, and righteous punch-lines I’m sold.  “Jonah Hex” does succeed in looking like a good Western and having some fun gun fights, so that did make me giddy enough to squeal with delight.  Amidst the silly storyline Josh Brolin actually did a good job leading the rest of the ultra-silly cast, and whenever a crappy scene was coming into play, Josh would save it with flying colors. 

The Bad:  This is just not a good movie, plain and simple, and that “aint no lie….baby bye bye bye?”  Although it wasn’t as bad as “Skyline”, it was still a movie that’s not worth watching; I pray to God that I never see a movie like “Skyline” again.  John Malkovich gets to play another crappy bad guy yet again, so maybe he should just stick to his nutty good-guy roles instead.  Megan Fox once again proves that she can’t act, and continues to embarrass America with every breath she takes; I’m sure she was thinking “Why did I have to be such a meany poopy-face to Michael Bay, and thus sacrifice the next (and most likely crappy) installment in the “Transformers” series? 

The Ugly: Besides Jonah’s face, this is a pretty ugly movie, the only time I would suggest watching it is when you’re doing chores around the house, or clipping your toenails.  There are some fun moments in this movie, so it’s not completely worthless, like Paris Hilton’s life, it’s just you feel very underwhelmed when it finally finishes.

1 out of 5

True Grit

The Good: We thought the movie did a good job of capturing the "western" essence. Despite the witty dialogue, it stayed true to the good old fashioned gun-slinging westerns. The cast was picture-perfect. Jeff Bridges led the movie with his unkempt look and his ruggishly disgusting charm. Jeff Bridges really made the character seem real. "Girl" was a strong character. Personally, C thought that she stole the show with her strong will and  no lose attitude. For a newcomer, she had a strong presence in the movie that made you feel like she could take on anything that came her way. What can we say about Matt Damon besides the fact that C had no idea he was in the movie, but found that he was a much needed hot-headed character. He played the role of the Texas Ranger so well, that C had to reassure herself that it really was Matt Damon.


The Bad: The trailer for this movie made it seem as though we were going to see gun fighting all the way through the movie. In the end, it wasn't such a bad thing, but we would have liked a little more "rough and tumble" action going on. Personally, A wanted to see Jeff Bridges be a little more gritty. He seemed to be a little more obsessed with talking about relationships then talking about his fighting or his arrests. C had a few doubts about the realness of some of the fight scenes. C is not a huge believer in the "get-hit-over-the-head-with-a-huge-rock-and-then-two-seconds-later-recover-enough-to-save-the-day", but then again what would a western be if not a movie filled with slightly unrealistic fight scenes?


The Ugly: The ugly truth about this movie is that it is worth buying. The entire time, A was yearning to go camping. It had the witty dialogue, the hickish accents and of course guns being carried by minors. What else could you ask for?

4 out of 5