163 Horror Movies in 2 1/2 Minutes

Much like the other Horror video that contains about 64 movies in 5 minutes, this one tries to top it by raising the bar to 163 movies in 2 minutes!  It means that the clips are short and very snappy, almost as if you're watching a seizure induced anime cartoon, but the video is awesome all the same.  Check this crap out!

Paranormal Activity Trilogy

I remember seeing the comercials for the very first "Paranormal Acitvity" film, and boy did that make me want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge without a bungie cord in excitment!  A film that is so scary that people all around the world are requesting it to be brought to their theaters? This is just too good to be true!.. and to my sadness, it was to good to be true.  Even though I'm reviewing the third and final (but not really) sequel in the series, I'll be talking about them all collectively, and at the same time trying to remove the temptation of putting a gun to my head.  The entire story started with this healthy looking couple wanting to document all the creepy noises going on by recording throughout the night, and through the recordings they capture many supernatural phenomenons.  This makes them oddly happy for a short time, until the demon/ghost gets anal and starts slapping them around while messing with their furniture.  Personally I don't think the demon is as evil as everyone thinks he is.  I think he is most likely a 8-year old loser child who tries to hard to get everyone to focus on him, and when they don't give him the attention he needs, he proceeds to pull them from the bed and drag them down the stairs... You know kids right?  The third film goes even deeper into the past of sisters Ali and Katie, as you get to see them experience supernatural terrors with their parents, and their grandma who looks as though she just escaped a violent Amish community.

The Good:
After hearing that the "Paranormal Activity" series scared the crap out of everyone, I decided to pull up my huggies and give them a try.  Even though the film doesn't scare you out of your pants right off the bat, it does place in your mind some crazy images that will affect you at night.  So word to the wise, when this 8-year old child of a demon wants to show you something, or play a game of twister, you better do what he wants or he'll go all "Children of the Corn" on your hiney and start pulling you out of bed!

The Bad:
You know that feeling you get when someone talks something up like it's the second coming, and then you find out it's the biggest disapointment since the invention of adult diapers; Do they really hold everything?  This series was a similar kind of disappointment.  I brought myself in to the living room ready to watch this movie and prepared to be scared, and with an extra pair of pants for when I soil myself, but alas the soiling did not happen, and instead I fell asleep, dreaming of being a contestant on Iron Chef.  I'm not going to lie there are some parts of the series (especially in the third one) that have some legitimate scary moments as I said earlier, but the problem is they usually happen in the LAST 3 MINUTES!!!  That is the beef I  have with most of these "Found Footage" movies, because you're guarenteed complete boredom for at least an hour and a half before things start getting interesting; You better bring some knitting or toe-nail clippers into the movie with you so you don't fall asleep.  I'm also tired of people now thinking that if you make a Horror film with a budget of only a few dollars, then it's bound to be a success, because that is about as true as Michael Jackson's nose.  This series has proved to me that sometimes the lower budget a movie has, the less interesting it gets.

The Ugly:
I recommend people to see this movie, but only so these people can finally say "I saw it!"  Maybe my problem is I assumed this series would be like god's gift to mankind, because that's how good people were making it seem, so when I actually saw it I became sad as if my dog had been run over.  Like the Hooters Billboard once said, "Set your standards low, so you'll be pleasantly suprised."  Maybe we should all take this advice from the wise girls of Hooters and use it, at the same time ignoring the fact they work at Hooters because of unresolved daddy issues at home.

2 out of 5

P.S. Here is the poster for the upcoming sequel!

The Dark Knight Rises

I can now die happy!!  there are s select few things in my life that if I was to die right after witnessing them, then I would walk into heaven (or hell, I have no idea yet) with my head held high.  A few of these things are included in this list: having Enya sing me a lullaby to sleep, eating high-quality Meat Loaf with Meat Loaf, going to a Metallica concert and punching someone in the face, and to be one of the lucky judges on the "Iron Chef" TV show.  unfortunately none of those things have happened yet, but I was able to witness one of the next best things... SEE BATMAN!!  The final part of the Dark Knight Trilogy takes place about 8 years later, with Bruce Wayne living as a wealthy hermit in mourning of his dead girlfriend, and Gotham is (once again) receiving the crapper from some nut-job with a mask and a British Accent.  Will Batman suck it up, grow a pair, and defend the city?  Or will he mope in his large house, with lots of money being used to buy pointless but cool things?  I don't know, but either way his choices don't sound too bad.

The Good:
I'm not going to lie, Nolan had me worried with this one.  This Director has made a huge name for himself by delivering mind-bending action packed movies that take the genre in directions it has never been before.  Everyone thought "Batman Begins" was just an all around cool movie, and then when he made "Dark Knight" everyone knew the bar had been raised for Comic-book movies; people wondered if it could get any better.  not too long after "Dark Knight" he made "Inception", which was without a doubt one of the funnest and most captivating "theater" experiences of all time, and it was after that movie that I thought there was NO WAY he could out do himself again.   Well, obviously I was wrong, Nolan didn't just give us a descent ending to the trilogy, but he gave us a powerhouse conclusion that shines as one of the greatest films ever made!  Brilliant acting from everyone involved, and the story-line flowed so nicely you forget that your butt has been in the same place for 3 hours.  The part I was most impressed with was the Villain Baine.  Heath Ledger as the Joker is what made the last Batman movie so memorable, and I have to agree he was one of the greatest villains I've ever seen on screen, but that isn't to say that Tom Hardy's Baine doesn't measure up.  As the villain of this film, Baine raises the stakes to a higher level as he threatens to tear Gotham apart, and not toy with it like the Joker did.  The part of Baine's character that made him so creepy to me is the fact that while he's doing all these gritty things to Gotham, when he speaks he sounds like a pleasant British dude.  So the Whole time I'm watching Baine, I kept on thinking that's what Patrick Stewart would be like if he was pissed off.

The Bad:
Baine reminded me a little of Darth Vadar, so I kinda wanted to quote some "star wars" stuff during a better part of the flick.  Also that guy who did all that crap during the midnight showing needs to be put in a prison full of guys that haven't seen a girl in years.

The Ugly:
Not that I had any beef with "The Avenger", but "Dark Knight Rises" succeeds in being my favorite summer movie this year.  At the same time I don't think I can compare the two, because they are very different kinds of comic book movies.  "Avengers" was a more campy/fun experience, while "Dark Knight" was a more "this is freaken serious so wipe that smirk off your face" kind of movie.  I thought they were both amazing films, but since I'm obviously a fan of the Scary/horrific stuff in life, Batman steals the cake.  Go see this movie, and then you'll feel like you can die happy.

6 out of 5