The Woman In Black

Harry Potter is back in black!  Literally!  But do you know what isn't back? Those stupid round glasses he wears.  No wonder he had such a hard time making out with witches at Hogwarts, because kissing him with those glasses would be the same as kissing an alien... not that I ever dreamed of doing that, I love my wife, SHUT UP!  I'm sure everyone was wondering what Daniel Radcliff's first post-Harry potter movie would be like, and if he would even be capable of doing a role that has nothing to do with "the boy who lived".  Thankfully Potter didn't disappoint, and actually it was quite the opposite because he looked pretty pissed half the time, which raised him up on the awesome scale about 50 points.   After graduating from Hogwarts and killing the bald albino, Mr Potter decided to live the American dream by becoming a depressed real estate agent in England.  having arrived to a depressing remote town to settle some paper work on a house, people in the town are about as receptive to him as much as hillbillies are to showers.  I'd like to blame it on the fact that they're racist, but Daniel Radcliffe is whiter then they are, so maybe they're mad at him for ending the Harry Potter movies and getting married to a ginger.  After being in the town for only a short while, he starts seeing a woman in black (duh!!) creeping around the house claiming to be Kobe Bryant, and every time he catches a glimpse of her someone in the town dies.  I personally think that the woman in black is just Voldemort wearing a wig, which should bring comfort to the audience because they know who will win the fight in the end.
This was a very scary and fun movie, that is sure to make kids all around the world pee their beds because they're too afraid to go to the bathroom during the night.  At first I thought the movie made me pee MY pants, but then I realized that I just got a Charlie horse which caused me to spill buttery popcorn all over.  Or did I?

4 1/2 out of 5