Silent House

There is another Olsen sister?!!  Where in the name of crohns is this girl's twin?  in days of late the Olsen twins have been hitting rock bottom with their almost extinct movie career, yet I don't feel bad because they're still filthy rich. They continue to get money from such classics as "Billboard Dad", and their now very successful clothing line, so don't pity them too much.  But with every death of twins comes the rebirth of talented younger sisters... I don't know if that's a saying or not.  Not only does this girl have at least SOME meat on her bones, but she also has this natural beauty that isn't being bombed by first-class make-up companies.  "Silent House" is another one of those Horror films that's inspired by true events, which means in real life the main character was probably a 400 pound male with knee issues who lives in a haunted apartment.  The story follows a college-aged girl named Sarah, who is helping her uncle and dad fix up their old lake house so it can be sold for a buttload of money.  Since the power has been shut off it makes fixing up the house a chlling experience, and before you know it Sarah is in terror.  She hears dads fall down, see's creepy pioneer girls, evades pedophile uncles, and tries to find out who the intruder is.

The Good:
Being a Horror fan, it's very common to go see Horror films that are ALWAYS THE SAME!  when you look closely you realize that most exorcism movies involve innocent (but attractive) women, haunted houses always have some creepy girl who looks as if she's been rolling in the pig-pen, and slashers always include some misunderstood man with a deformed face who takes his rage out on jersey shore douchebags (and I support them in that endeavor).  "Silent House" is a very different take on "haunted house" Horror, because the entire film, lasting 88 minutes, is done in entirerly ONE TAKE.  This means that you're with Sarah in her terror-filled world every step of the way, almost like you're in her shoes... except I didn't like the shoes she was wearing, and I prefer shoes that make me sassy and bring out the color in my eyebrows.

The Bad:
shooting the entire movie in one take was brilliant, like giving Malfoy a goatee at the end of the final Harry Potter film, but just because the movie presented a good idea, doesn't mean the entire thing was like a bowl of peaches smothered in vanilla ice-cream.  Shooting a flick in Real time means that you get to be along the main character for the whole 88 minutes, which means that you'll be terrified to the point of crapping your pants when she gets scared, but that also means that when she's bored you get slightly bored as well... and to that I say, "bathroom break!!"

The Ugly:
I not sure what to say when it comes to this movie being worthy enough to buy, because I thought it was awesome to boot, but some people might not think the same!  the only real downfall is the couple small boring parts, and the fact that the movie doesn't have the most replay value.  Now me personally I buy all Horror films regardless of how good they were, so the chances are very high that i'll be purchasing this since it was entertaining, but again i'm not like other "more strict" Horror fans out there.  That's the beautiful part about having ADHD is that you get entertainment out of pretty much everything!!  Seriously!  I would get the same enjoyment "people watching" at Wal-Mart that I would get when visiting Niagara Falls.

3 out of 5

Paranorman posters!!

Any Tim Burton-esque looking claymation movie makes me squeel like a pig before entering the slaughter room.  Although Tim Burton isn't behind the camera on this, I'm still going to see it because it speaks to my nerdy-ness inside.

Nightmares In Red White and Blue

No other movie genre in the world is more persecuted or misunderstood than the Horror genre.  Horror films are often blamed for violence in the youth of America, and are often held responsible for everything else that goes wrong (cop-out for either bad friends or bad parenting).  By interviewing some of the biggest names in the genre and scanning their movies, this documentary shows how the Horror film has evolved in America, and how those Horror films are closely tied to all kinds of Terror that befall the country.

The Good:
Some people like the smell of Folders in their cup (Product placement anyone?), some like "the smell of napalm in the morning", and then people (like me) love the smell of zombies enjoying a meal, while ghosts and killers continually terrorify the normal middle-class man trying to live the American dream.  okay, so I don't really smell that in the morning, I mean how would I finish my eggo waffles with the smell of rotting corpses?  It's not that I'm a naturally dark person, unless I'm standing in the dark, in that case you can barely see me, ga-der!  I'm a naturally happy person who has the hyperactivity of a squirrel with rabies, but I'm also a person who loves the unsettling/fearful feeling one gets from Horror films.  But this morbid genre isn't just to scare people, this documentary shows that each Horror film has a message it's trying to get across.  An Example would be the movie "Drag Me To Hell", because beneath the awesome B-Story it gives, it preaches there are bad consequences for bad choices you make.  So because she was selfish and shamed the gypsy, she got a whole butt-load of crohns coming her way.

The Bad:
I thought it was awesome to see how each horror film applied to something people were afraid of historically in their time, and it was very insightful to see how the genre has an ultimately positive effect on people psychologically.  There was a lot of talk on the psychological part of Horror, and personally I thought that was more interesting than the Historical aspect, but that's just me, so they should have included more.

The Ugly:
If you are a person who's skeptical about this morbid genre, or if you're already a fan, then I urge you to see this film.  I've always loved Horror films because they help me to face some of my own fears head-on, so little by little I live a more fearless life like Taylor Swift, but this documentary taught me more about the historical-importance these films hold.  This doesn't mean I'll watch any Horror film coming my way, because there are some films that cross lines that shouldn't be crossed, but the documentary did show me that beneath all the terror is a message that is worth being heard.

4 out of 5

Brave

Awe Scotland... what a dream place this is.  A country where renaissance lovers and transvestites can live together in perfect harmony.  All you need is a bunch of plaid sheets, woven together by a bunch of old people with love, and food made out of sheep's stomach.  This Scottish tale follows the story of princess Merida, who by law, must find a suitable lad from one of the neighboring clans to make her hubby.  Obviously Merida says "screw this" and fights to follow her own path by any means necessary, which has both negative and positive consequences... like eating a piece of pizza that fell on the floor of a soup kitchen.  While Merida's own drama is going on, her whole family is being randomly hunted by a bear the size of a Mormon-owned mini-van, and much like what Scottish men wear under their kilts, it's a huge mystery.

The Good:
In the middle of High School I had the pleasure of going to Scotland, and when I arrived it was to my great happiness that almost EVERYONE was a red-head, and not a soul in sight!  Finally! A country where my skin isn't too white, where I can wear a manly skirt without persecution, and my hair doesn't stick out like a big toe that was once smashed by my older brother in attempt to kill a rat... I digress.  Scotland was a wonderful place for me, and this movie was a reminder of the good times I had.  Even though it's a animated flick, you have to hand it to the people at PIXAR for how beautiful they made it look.  Not only was the hair awesome and red, but the landscapes were breathtaking, and the music topped it off like a bowl of ice-cream after a good meal.  Much like the "Secret World of Arrietty", the story-line here is very simple, and is probably the reason why they didn't explain much in the trailer, because then they would have screwed the movie for everyone else.  the simplicity of the story worked very well, and because it was basic you didn't feel like you HAD to pay attention to what was going on all the time, so people like me can have ADHD moments looking at the landscapes and listening to bagpipe music... like a boss!

The Bad:

I couldn't find anything bad with this movie, except for Princess Merida's AWESOME bad hair day!  My personal opinion is that her hair was awesome to boot, but honestly, hasn't she every heard of Herbal Essences?  Her hair is so out of control that you would think she just broke out of a straight jacket and escaped a loony-bin.  I wonder what haircut she requests from the ladies at great-clips?  "Give me the 'broken down drunk' look, and I want you to emphasize the Broken down part".

The Ugly:
This is a great family film that kids will love because of the "What's under the kilt" humor, and older Scotland-obsessed people like me feel like we're traveling to the country again, minus the agonizing plane ride, and the annoying 3-yr old who keeps kicking me in the back of the head like he's trying to get information... but I'm not bitter.  This is a very beautiful movie that hits home on everything PIXAR stands for.

5 out of 5